Mommy moments come in all forms of days at the beach, backyard BBQs, or kids reading groups at the library. These are all wonderful times to get to know other mothers and share in wearing out your kids, as well as gaining some understanding from other parents. But the number of women who live with chronic illnesses such as fibromyalgia and diabetes continues to grow, the spontaneity of these fun activities is easily disrupted.

Mommy moments come in all forms of days at the beach, backyard BBQs, or kids reading groups at the library. These are all wonderful times to get to know other mothers and share in wearing out your kids, as well as gaining some understanding from other parents. But the number of women who live with chronic illnesses such as fibromyalgia and diabetes continues to grow, the spontaneity of these fun activities is easily disrupted.

For example, the National Fibromyalgia Association reports that fibromyalgia (FM) experts estimate that about 10 million Americans and approximately 5 percent of the population worldwide deal with illness symptoms commonly associated with FM, one of the fastest growing auto-immune diseases in the USA.  When I recently went to an adoptive mom's playgroup, just within this niche group, three out of the six of the women there lives with a chronic illnesses.  Being aware of what a friend can and cannot do, and acknowledging that you know some days will have different limitations and challenges, can make a significant impact in these mom's ability to participate and feel comfortable with other mothers.

[1]. Don't be hesitant to ask what time of the day is best for play-dates or activities. For someone with a chronic illness, this will vary from season to season (weather can impact it a lot); and also from one illness to another. For some moms, mornings are good and afternoons are exhausting; for others it's the other way around. Heat combined with illness can make it impossible for a chronically ill mom to even be outside for long.

[2] Be adaptable and don't make her feel guilty if she must cancel your plans. When one lives with a chronic illness, one never knows what may change moment to moment. For example, last week I just took a normal step, but it resulted in my knee being locked up for four days. Despite all the medications and therapies, all my plans had to be cancelled and my husband tried to pick up the pieces of my son's schedule while he also worked from home.

[3] Ask her to clarify what she's comfortable doing. For example, you might say, "How far do you want to walk today?" and try to accommodate. Even though you can see the park from your house two blocks away, she may not be bale to make it. Stairs may be impossible, and I won't even take escalators any more because of my knees, so take the elevator with her. Walk at her pace, recognizing that she may have to take rest stops every few minutes even though you've only walked fifty feet. Do her a huge favor and chase after her kids for a few minutes. Standing for longer than a couple minutes may also be a challenge. Despite the pain of walking, it's better for me than standing. Even though the line at the carousel looks like it's only five minutes, she may need you to offer to stand in line and then let her jump in beside you at the last minutes.

[4] Be polite when asking questions about her illness. For example, ask, "What is your greatest challenge?" Don't tell her about all the cures you've heard for her illness or about the products you sell that could cure her; or about your mother's aunt's neighbor who has the same illness but still is able to raise five children and work a full-time job.

[5] Remember that simple things may be difficult for her. For example, if you go to the beach, ask her if she would like to be dropped off while you find a parking spot. Many people are unable to plop down on the ground, so bring a few lawn chairs so she isn't the only one two feet above everyone else. Sun and heat can bother her so she will need to find shade. Don't expect her to carry three lawn chairs, a cooler and your fourteen-month old daughter, even though you can carry all that and the dog. You don't want to make her feel helpless, and she doesn't want a fuss, but be aware that she may need a few extra considerations.

[6] Don't presume that she can watch your children diligently, even for five minutes, unless she volunteers. Taking care of kids is exhausting and caring for her own may be draining the little strength she had left. Plus, if your kids are run out into the street, keep in mind that she may not physically be able to sprint after them as fast as you could.

[7] Plan activities that she can be a part of. While you may love your stroller exercise groups, and mommy and me gym classes, these may not be possible for her. Find out what types of things she likes to do and then ask if you can join her for these. Keep the activities under two or three hours; even though you may typically go to the zoo for six hours, understand that she may need to leave earlier than you. Don't say, "A little more walking may do you some good!"

[8] Lastly, say the words to her that every mom wants to hear: "You are an amazing mom  and I don't know how you do it all. I truly admire your perseverance and strength."