Yes, adoption can be scary. Yes, those who adopt are well aware of those fears. If you know someone who is adopting, be a good friend and don't remind her of those fears by asking questions that will simply make her stay awake all night with worry.

Yes, adoption can be scary. Yes, those who adopt are well aware of those fears. If you know someone who is adopting, be a good friend and don't remind her of those fears by asking questions that will simply make her stay awake all night with worry.

What are some topics you should avoid asking about? Some examples are:

[1] Are you worried that you won't be able to bond with the baby?

[2] Sometimes adopted children don't look anything like their parents. What if that happens to you?

[3] Isn't adoption really expensive? How can you afford that?

[4] Sometimes adoption can turn into a real nightmare when the birth father wants rights. What exactly do you know about this guy?

[5] What if you pay for all of the birth mom's pregnancy expenses and then she changes her mind and bails on you?

[6] Some day she will be a teenager and want to run off and live with her birth mom. What will you do then?

[7] Aren't you afraid his real mom will change her mind and fight for him?

[8] What if your child has some genetic illness and you don't find about it for years?

[9] Do you think you can love her as much as your other kids?

[10] Aren't you worried about all the emotional baggage an older child comes with? If you got a baby you wouldn't have that problem.

[11] Did you hear that story about that birth mother who kidnapped her child because she wanted to get him back?

[12] Are you anxious that he isn't really yours until the court date?

The adoption experience is full of many unknowns but parenting in general is a learning experience too. If someone you care about is adopting or has adopted, just understand that though they appreciate your friendship, they won't necessarily appreciate your advice in educating them about all the concerns they should have.

All families that are designed through adoption get to the place where they have to choose to surrender the fears of a broken heart or the anxieties of the unknown; instead, focusing on all the joy that adoption brings. Your unconditional support while they are adopting is more precious than any advice or questions you can provide.