Heartfelt words from a former rogue cop

Hello again,

This article is about me and my law enforcement career. I communicated today via email with a reporter and anchor for a major news station here, and it brought me back to the late 70's, the time that I became a rogue cop and dishonored the badge and the peoples' trust. He and I speak often via email. Since my surrender as a fugitive for 22 years, I still think often about my past days.

This friend, the news anchor, will be performing an interview with me to discuss my past life in detail. He's an honorable and well known person in my community. I see his programs every evening and night. This man has no business interviewing or speaking to a man such as myself. He has honor. I have no honor.

Tonight, after reading his email, it brought tears to my eyes. Why? Because he speaks to me with such respect that it hurts. It hurts because I truly wish I had the dignity and respect that he thinks I deserved. I am so sorry for all the wrongs in my past life. I wish I had never been born. I don't want this shame, this pain, but I'm forced to live with it. Sure I'm a free man now, I've written a book, I have created alliances with well known individuals all over the United States, but something is missing.

After speaking with him I know now what it is: Normality!

I'm only known now for the bad I've done. I'm known because I was rogue. The insane and horrible events in my past life have made me appear special. I'm not special, I'm still ashamed. Even though what I did happen 28 years ago, I feel the cold, hard shame. His honor overshadows my dishonor to the point that it sickens me.

I want to say this to all of you, try hard, very hard not to offend others and yourself. You will pay the price. Now, I must get up, wipe these tears from my face, and attempt to appear respectable again.