Tell-tale signs you're getting older

Your back goes out more often than you do. (Or some other body part...you ache all the time; everything hurts; ol' "Uncle Arthur" [arthritis] has moved in & you want him to move OUT.)

You bite into a sandwich & your teeth stay...in the sandwich. (There goes MY appetite!!)

Every day, you find more gray hairs on your head or, less hair on your head. (Every day, I find more "silver" shining up at me...my twin sister wants to pull them out, but I don't want her to...I hear that five more grow in its place...)

You grow annoying little hairs on your chinny-chin-chin. I call 'em "haggy" hairs. Thanks, Grandma!!)

Your skin starts sagging under your chin...on the underside of your arms...on your tummy...your butt...your bosoms point south...you find varicose veins...UGHHHH. (Aging is the PITS!!)

You are feeling your age...maybe older. (Right now, I feel 102.)

You start lying about your age. (WHO said I'm 42??? They're WRONG, I'm 29!!)

Your joints creak with every movement you make. Some of the creaks are PAINFUL. (Tell me about it...)

You have trouble getting up in the morning; staying in bed sounds like a great idea! (I don't have that option...I have to work for a living! But that sure sounds nice...)

No one "cards" you anymore. (Do I look THAT bad??? What REALLY drives me crazy? They'll card my twin sister, then ask if I'm her MOM!!!! "I don't need to card you," they'll say, "I know you're old enough. Are you her Mom?" ARRGGGHHHH!!)

People ask you if your children are your grandkids. (I don't have kids, but I know people this has happened to...)

People ask you if you get the "Senior Discount." (YIPE. Dangerous question, this...)

People ask you if you're sad or mad, because you have "frown lines." Or ask you if you're in pain. (Hey!! Those weren't there before!!!!)

You're too tired to stay up late anymore. You get up at the crack of dawn--EVERY morning (when you USED to sleep in until at LEAST 9:00).

You can't seem to get warm enough or cold enough. (Me? I'm always HOT. My twin, she's always cold...some of the biggest arguements are over the danged thermostat, what temperature it should be set at. At night, she buries herself under the sheet, the blanket, the comforter, & two to three pillows. Me? I'm a-kickin' those covers OFF, boy!!)

Your glasses don't seem to be working anymore. (My bifocals don't focal anymore.)

You can't remember what you were doing five minutes ago...or forget what you were doing while doing it. Your long term memories? Terrific! (I'm guilty of this one...BIG time. Drives me NUTS!! I'm beginning to wonder if I have Altzheimer's...)

You realize you sound like your Dad, or Mom, or worse yet, your Grandpa or Grandma. (Gee, it used to drive me crazy when they'd say _____. I'll NEVER say _____. Hey!!! Whaddaya doin'?? You tryin' to _____??? Ooops...I said, _____.)

You notice you're shrinking. They say you get shorter as you age...that's just great. I'm short enough!! (Hey!! I USED to be 5'3"!!!!)

Your tastes change. (I used to say I'd NEVER like _____; can't get enough of the stuff now! Or you used to like _____, can't STAND it now.)

You're grateful you lived another day. (Didn't take "the dirt dive" & firmly believe that any day you wake up above ground is a good day.)

You read the obituaries to see which of your friends died, & to see who you outlived. (Hey!! Ol' Barney died!)

You spend more time going to the doctor because this hurts & because this don't feel right & because this dang medicine he gave you makes you feel strange & because... (Ain't it the truth.)

You get applications for AARP in the mail (really fun before you turn 50!).

You get invitations to attend insurance meetings (because your health insurance won't cover something & you need supplemental insurance) or Medicare meetings or meetings about your Social Security (which don't feel secure). (And I'm not even 50 yet!!)

You like going to the mall...to people watch. (Shopping wears me out...don't have the energy OR THE MONEY any more.)

You wish you had the energy kids have...at least a small portion of it, anyway! (You're sick & tired of being sick & tired.)

The worst thing to me about getting old?? When my twin sister got me a birthday card a couple of years ago, it had a picture of a cat all furred out, MRROWWWW, on the front. On the inside, it said, "I'm sorry...OLD people scare me." THANKS A LOT!! I'm ONLY 11 minutes older...you know what she said?? "The fact is, Karla, you're older, you'll always BE older than me." My comment? MRROWWWW!!!!!)