10 quick tips to ease into life on the inside

Top ten tips for life “inside.”

10. Always get the top bunk. This discourages other “guests” from trying to steal your cigarettes while you’re asleep.

9. Never carry a “shiv.” These can get you 30 days in solitary.

8. The library is usually the best place to work, and has many advantages over kitchen duty.
7. Lifting weights makes time pass quickly, while promoting a healthy physique.

6. If you find out through the grapevine, that another guest is hiding a shiv to use on you, a good place to hide yours is in a hollow book (refer to tip #8).

5. Don’t have a shiv? Kitchen duty might be the best place to work for awhile, to get one (forget rule #8)

4. Try to get meetings with the Warden. If possible, distract him long enough to steal his nail clipper. This may be used to excavate masonry walls over the course of long stays.

3. Under no circumstances may the Tin cup be dragged along bars to make noise, or to protest. The steel and paint on the bars can oxidize the tin material of the cup, causing indigestion with beverages.

2. Avoid obvious tattoos, such as “LOVE” across the knuckles, or a butterfly on the chest, unless you are of French origin (ala Pappillon).

1. Come home soon.