How being a Large, beautiful Christian woman in today's society is a tough road but liveable.

Most men online on the computer screen “go away” to “neverland” when I tell them my real weight, except for one guy so far. He is on my buddy list. I do not weigh myself often, just mainly at the doctors office when I go for a check-up or visit for an ailment. I have passed the doctors scale though, I have to be weighed now by the BIG machine that the Hospitals use when checking in inpatients. I am above 350 pounds now. Last time I checked I was at 357 on December 3rd and that was BEFORE the holidays so I imagine I have gained a few pounds since then. My weight does not bother me though, although it concerns my doctors but it does not concern me. I get my liver and kidney enzymes tested every 6 months and they came up within the normal range. I test my thyroid hormones and it comes out perfect every time. I am on estrogen since I had a hysterectomy.
My cholesterol is only 9 points higher than the normal range and I have a good amount of HDL. I had my heart wall tested and it was strong as I had a stress test and I passed with flying colors! My mother is diabetic and is heavy also but I have been tested for diabetes and it comes up negative every time! I would say I am doing pretty good right now!

My only problem is that I have a shunt for hydrocephalus and an inoperable brainstem tumor. I have had Gamma Knife Radiation. I have had 15 surgeries on the brain alone for shunt revisions. A shunt is a piece of tubing that drains the cerebral spinal fluid(csf) that your brain makes because it is blocked or trapped and begins to “back up” like a clog in a sink. If it is not fixed with a shunt, it can lead to brain damage and even death.
One has to watch for malfunction signs or infection signs because if this happens, you need a complete revision right away.

My philosophy on weight and one’s life is that it is more important to get your MIND STRAIT FIRST, then work on your body! That is what I have been doing the past 10 years! One CAN accomplish things in life while being overweight too! I finished High school, college, graduated CUM LAUDE, with honors with a 3.53gpa/4.0 scale. I then got a job 3 months later working for the Missouri Highway and Transportation Department. I stayed there 2 years strait then worked another 2 years off/on till I could not work anymore for I was on my deathbed, literally, due to my illness! I then moved back home to Texas with my Mom. I went on Disability too.

Now, I write poetry from the past and present and try to get it published. I write short stories too. I am still on Disability but working towards getting off of it. And, I am trying to get my head on strait!
Life is pretty good!

January 2,2002