What to do if you think your spouse is cheating.

So, you’ve been married for five years with two small children and recently bought a house. Life is sweet, you have it all, until one day you notice your spouses odd behavior. He starts criticizing your appearance, starting fights insinuating you’ve been unfaithful. Maybe he suggests you should go out with your friends to a bar (the one place he’s always scorned). Maybe he spends too much time on the computer, talking to people you don’t know and the password you once knew is now changed and he won’t tell you what the new password is.

There are many signs of infidelity that you may ignore because you know your partner in life would never betray you. Not with all you’ve accomplished together and all you share. The idea of your partner betraying you is absolutely inconceivable, but it can happen, even to you. Yes, you.

According an AOL love poll of 2004 taken by 71% female and 29% male:
Why do people cheat?
51% They are unhappy in their relationship
18% They have uncontrollable sex urges
17% They are bored
10% Other
3% For revenge

Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship?
34% No, I’m always true to my mate
32% Yes, but only one time
23% Yes, I’ve never been faithful
11% No, but I’m thinking about it

There are many tell tale signs of infidelity. No matter how slick the cheater thinks he is, there will be clues. It’s up to you to recognize the signs or ignore them. The most common signs are:

1. You answer the phone and the caller hangs up (use *69 to find out what number the call came from).

2. Your partner is suddenly improving his appearance, wearing jewelry, new hair style, new clothes, etc.

3. He may start taking up new hobbies or begin taking or planning trips that don’t include you.

4. A change in want of sex, wanting it more or less. Wanting to try different positions or role playing.

5. He may start criticizing you, suddenly irritated by the same things he once adored about you.

6. He may become anxious when the mail arrives. Wanting to be the first to go through the mail to snatch his cell phone bill. (Detailed billing will provide frequently called and received phone numbers and the times and dates they were made).

7. Credit card/bank statement, check all activity, what can and can’t be accounted for. Another reason to be the first to grab the mail.

Many affairs begin at work or on-line, or can start at work and continue on-line through instant messaging, e-mails or chat rooms. Want to know what your mate is up too once you’ve gone off to bed and stays up late on the internet? If he stays up late on the computer or gets phone calls late at night, you can use a working baby monitor to place near the computer in a hidden area and keep the receiver with you. If there are any late night phone calls while you are in bed, you will hear what’s said.

Hiring a Private Investigator can be costly, yet effective. If a P.I. is within your budget, you can save yourself the time consuming task of tracking your partner down. Unfortunately, the cost of a P.I. is not within the average persons budget.

So what is the best affordable way to catch your beloved red handed? I suggest my favorite computer monitoring software such as Spectorsoft. Simple to purchase, download and install in 5 minutes. Spectorsoft records all emails, chats, IM’s, web sites, key strokes and much more. This program is used in stealth mode and can not be detected by anti-spy software. No icon is displayed and it will not show up in your system tray, programs or task list. Spectorsoft will not slow down your computer and only you will know how to access. They also offer fantastic tech support.

So you suspect your spouse is cheating, now what? You collect your evidence and devise a plan of action before you confront him with unrestrained hurt feelings and that aching pain of betrayal. Your first reaction may be to divorce and take him for all he’s got, simply because it’s
much easier to say “I want a divorce” than it is to admit there is a problem and commit to working on a marriage in distress. You may decide to sweep up the children and run off to your parents until the dust settles and you are able to think more clearly on how to handle the situation.

Is the amount of time you’ve invested into your relationship and the life you’ve created together enough to prompt you to seek professional help such as marriage counseling and work through the problem at hand? Perhaps you want to heal from the betrayal, forgive your spouse and reconcile so you can both move on with your lives.

Is there any room for reconciliation? Putting the pieces back together and making another go at it will only work if both partners agree to work it out. It takes two to work on a relationship. If one partner wants to work it out and the other doesn’t, you can’t force a relationship to be successful. Sometimes couples need time apart, a time for soul searching to come to a decision to figure out what works best for the entire family. There is no easy or simple remedy to repairing a damaged relationship. Only time, work and cooperation from both parties and tons and tons of commitment. Even then there will be hurt feelings that must be dealt with, which is where marriage counseling steps in.

Many people are unaware that some health insurance policies cover a percentage of counseling services. With HMO’s you may need a referral from your primary physician or you can choose to browse around for counseling services that offers sliding scale fee’s which vary according to your income. You can also contact local churches for free services, such as Catholic Charities or the like that offer free counseling or requests a small donation.

The fact is, there is always help available no matter what your financial situation is. Counseling is always helpful, whether you are trying to save your marriage or have already decided to divorce and wanted to work towards a civil relationship with your soon to be ex, especially when there are children involved. What’s important is to do what is best for all parties involved and live your life as normal as you had before the unpleasant event.
Some helpful links:
www.catchacheat.com
www.infidelity.com
www.spectorsoft.com