This essay describes two life changing events in my life. I only share it because I believe that for everything that happens in life there are lessons to be learned.

Sometimes, life throws us for a loop. You're just living, making the most of life, when out of the blue (or so it seems) you're in the midst of some very trying situations. We usually think we can handle one incident, but how do you handle it when everything seems to be going totally awry?

Recently, a couple of things have thrown me for a loop. First I was downsized. For the first time in 8 years I was unemployed. One of the positive things for me was that I received a generous package, which allowed me to think about what I wanted to do next. So I enjoyed myself initially – I took a mini vacation, tackled household errands that I had put off, and spent more time with my family. My stress level was definitely at an all time low. Throughout all of this I was job hunting, but not wholeheartedly.

As a downsized employee, invariably you begin to wonder – "Was it me?" "Why did I get eliminated?", "Was there anything I could have done differently?" Then you rationalize "I didn't get eliminated, the position I was in was no longer strategic".

While everyone tells you things like "It's a blessing in disguise" or "Don't worry you'll be OK" or "Everything happens for a reason", though they mean well (at least most of them do), you just want to tune them out. As the receiver of this information it all sounds so clichι to you.

If you have not made peace with this life-changing event yet, your emotions wreak havoc on you. One day you tell yourself – "I'm over it" and then some one tells you about something else that happened on the old job and you find yourself discouraged or even angry. Or as you read the newspapers, you notice that lots of companies are downsizing and you wonder "Will I ever find another job, similar to what I had?"

Sometimes we wonder, why do we "go through?" But if we didn't go through, we would not know what's at the end of the tunnel. We wouldn't dare to draw closer to God and earnestly pour out our hearts. We might still try to do things our way instead of His way. We wouldn't learn to trust. Since I believe our human nature never masters the art of 100% wholeheartedly trusting God, events come in to our lives to underscore why we trust him and why he's trustworthy. Downsizing taught me a couple of lessons, that are not typical –
Make the most out of your situations. Bloom where you are planted.
In general, it's ok to have varying emotions regarding situations, but especially after a difficult situation deal with them and move on. The wisdom is in the moving on.
Decide what you want to do next. Listen to your inner voice. Earnestly seek the Lord in prayer as to your next steps. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, it's only after we do this that, He will direct our paths.
As a byproduct, I deepened my relationship with the Lord to where I know this is a part of his plan for me.

Having reached the point where I accepted my situation, September 11th happened. The morning of the 11th I was in the park jogging. My husband normally commutes in to Manhattan, but on that particular morning he woke up with a debilitating migraine, and decided not to go in. Thank God! When I came home my husband ran out of the house in a state of panic- "Everyone's calling you, you wouldn't believe what happened, a plane crashed in to the World Trade Center". He's telling me this, but I'm not grasping the magnitude of the situation. As a matter of fact I want to blow him off, but I don't. We watched the unfolding events on the TV and I contacted my friends to make sure they are OK (2 of them had husbands in WTC) then proceed to see both towers collapse on the TV with running commentary from my husband. When the towers collapsed, it hits me like a brick. That image is seared in my memory – the buildings collapsed, twice. First one, then the other. It was a perfectly synchronized disaster. Both buildings were smashed in to the earth.

I had an appointment to see my career counselor that day. Trying to maintain some normalcy, I went to see him. We didn't talk about too much that day, except the morning's events. I was his last client for the day. After I left, the center was closed for the remainder of the day. Driving back home the roads were like a ghost town. It was eerie.

I couldn't cry, instead I got a massive headache that lasted for 3 days. First I kept thinking about all of those people, trapped, trying to escape for their lives. Then I thought, "Darn, my job search has to go on hold for a while!" Then I thought, "Is that selfish of me only thinking of myself when thousands have died?" And "Who is Osama bin Laden?" "Why would anyone go back to their desks?" Oh, I had such conflicting thoughts. For days I hoped that all the people that were trapped in the towers were safe…but it was not to be. At the end of this horrible day, I just wanted to hug my children, and that's what I did.

Life goes on, and in our house as we watched the unfolding events, we prayed so that our children would have peace instead of fear.

I was back at the park again in the mornings. More than a month had passed since the September 11th attacks. On this particular morning, the weather was beautiful – the air was crisp and clean. I had completed a 3-mile loop and was about to stretch when I felt unbelievably lightheaded. Having never experienced this before, I decided to lean against a light pole for support, with the intent of sliding down to the ground and sitting.

The next thing I remember is being on the pavement, and seeing my glasses scratched in a twisted, mangled heap. My brain says "something's not right – how'd your glasses get this way?" but I'm so out of it, I decided to deal with it later.

So there I lay on the pavement at the park. I don't know how long I was laying there. God sent an angel along, and she asked me. "Are you all right?"..I'm beginning to think something's wrong between the glasses and this lady talking to me.

I answered her halfheartedly by saying "I guess I'm OK". She sees my face and gasps "O My GOD!" She gives me some tissue to wipe my face. As I wipe my face, I notice blood on the tissue. Lots of blood. I become HYSTERICAL. Then I wriggled my tongue around my mouth and realized teeth are missing. I become more HYSTERICAL. This poor lady is trying to get my vital information to see how coherent I am. Another lady walks by, quickly assesses the situation and decides to call 911. The ambulance comes very quickly and I'm taken to the Emergency Room of a local hospital. As I'm being placed in the ambulance, my tooth is spotted on the pavement and is brought with me to the Emergency Room. I only lost one tooth.

At the hospital, my tooth was immediately reinserted. Then the long wait begins. No one would tell me what I looked like, no one. I knew it was pretty bad. The left side of my face took the impact of the fall. I had lacerations under my eye and the left side of my lip was split. My lip had to be sutured. 4 teeth were chipped. Ultimately, because of the trauma, I had to have a root canal done. I had a series of tests done and spent 2 days in the hospital for observation and treatment.

Once I was released from the hospital, I had to see cardiologists, specialized dentists and plastic surgeons. God is so good, because many of the outward scars were gone within a month. The ultimate diagnosis: vasovagal syncope. Vasovagal syncope is a brief loss of consciousness due to a sudden drop in the blood pressure. According to the doctors, this is not normally serious condition, in and of itself; it depends on what happens after you black out.

In my case I suffered a serious fall that shook me up. Though my church family came through for me in a big way, I started to withdraw from everyone. The blackout combined with my job search led me to a huge pity party.

But God is faithful – He sent sisters to encourage me and let me know – "All things work together for good". My best friends were beside me the entire time; they stayed with me in the hospital and prayed for me – heartfelt sincere prayers that really made a difference. My roommate at the hospital commented – "I love the prayers! I love the way your friends pray". My husband stepped up to plate and handled all the household chores.

Through it all, God reminded me that I have so much to be thankful for – my life, my health, my family, and my friends. And he constantly reminds me that he has a plan for me – plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11). So I hold on to this. I remember the words of that old hymn – with Christ in the Ship, we can smile at the storm. This gives me peace.