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CJ Heck

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Body Noises
by CJ Heck   
Rated "G" by the Author.
     
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See if you agree with me ...


Essay: Noisy Body

I'm sure you've noticed that certain noisy body functions are a source of hilarity to a child. They're all perfectly normal and they're all noises everyone does at one time or another -- and whether you're brave enough to admit it or not, you probably think they're hilarious as well.

To a child, these noises are pure joy and they try and duplicate the sounds as often as they can. It doesn't seem to matter what age a child is -- I've seen teenagers roll on the floor laughing the same as toddlers. Heck, my two-year-old grandson already thinks most of them are funny.

I remember growing up, my brother, Tim,  used to amaze me with his burps. He's the only person I've ever known who could burp and it sounded just like the word, "burp". Maybe it was something he practiced -- I don't know. Can you practice a burp? Would anyone other than a child even want to practice a burp?

Tummy rumbles and yawns are two of the lesser funnies, but still funny to children. A tummy rumble sounds exactly like the word 'rumble', IF you say it with a deep voice and draw the word out a little.
Yawns on the other hand, only sound like the word a little bit, but more than anything else, they look like what a yawn really is -- a gaping hole.

 Another funny noise is a sneeze. Sneeze is a funny word, but I've never heard ANYone who sneezed like the word sounds. Mostly what you hear is "ah-choo" or "ker-choo", or variations of it. My daughters tell me when I sneeze, it sounds like I'm asking, "Who asked you!" Not as a question, mind you, but as a shout.  I repeat, I've never heard the word 'sneeze' come out of anyone while they're doing it. I wonder, who made that word up?  Personally, I think they missed the boat.

 The word 'hiccup' isn't too bad, actually. When you have them, they do sound pretty much like the word 'hiccup'. Whoever made up that word came pretty darned close.

My other brother, Chip, used to try and hold them in -- that almost always had an adverse reaction though. It became sort of pressurized, somehow, and then burst out as a loud 'hic-burp' (although that name doesn't really do the sound justice).

By now, you're probably wondering where this is all leading. Well it brings me to the more socially sensitive of the noisy body functions -- and also the source of the most amusement for children. In our house, we just called them Barking Spiders.




 (This essay was first published by Useless Knowledge Webzine, May 16, 2004.)
       


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Reviewed on October 4, 2006
HaHaHaHa...a delightful read that brings back funny episodes as a child - OK, even as an adult!

Gotta ask ya': Do you know what color a belch is? heehee...burple!
(moan :o)

Micke

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