I have realized, I must change, and do it now, in order to save myself at its innermost core, and save those around me to let them grow in their own time, and with their own strength, weaknesses, and emotions.

By not prioritizing, and developing my own personal skills and interests, I have robbed myself of the power to change myself, and the circumstances around me.

Letter Of Self Change


Dear Larry:

Larry, I owe you an apology. I’ve been on your back for a long time, wanting you to provide me with something I really need to provide for myself. Perhaps part of the problem is that you have your work, and friends, and me and the kids, where I only have you and the kids. This is my problem, and I recognize it now, and I recognize that I need to do something about it.

I’ve been studying the situation, thinking about solutions, and I’ve come to the conclusion that: You are right! And have been all along.

I have tried to be the person so many people want me to be, instead of getting to know myself. I have been so overly involved in yours, and other people’s lives and problems, and trying to take the load off of them by solving and frustrating over their problems, instead of letting them work through their own problems---thus robbing them of their own personal struggles, emotions, resolutions, and growth.

By doing this, I have neglected myself, and my own needs and wants, and have lost my own self in the process. I have realized, I must change, and do it now, in order to save myself at its innermost core, and save those around me to let them grow in their own time, and with their own strength, weaknesses, and emotions.

By being so emotionally involved for others, I have made it easy for them to deny their own emotions, thus creating resentment in all of us. Therefore, starting now, starting today, I am going to start by letting go of all the things and people that I cannot and do not want to control, and begin taking charge of the only person and situations I can control, Me and mine!

I am going to start doing for myself, and using my time and energy to do the things I need to do for myself, invest time and energy into my needs, and make myself well again.

I am tired of hurting and being caught up in a never-ending cycle of defeat.

Thanks for the wake-up call. I must once again pull from my inner depths to fight for myself, and the things that make me a better, stronger, wiser, person.

I am doing this with clarity and assurance, and with no anger, hostility, or resentment toward you or anyone else, for it is I who have brought myself to this place, and only I that can change it.

By not prioritizing, and developing my own personal skills and interests, I have robbed myself of the power to change myself, and the circumstances around me.

I am aware, that in response to these statements of my own wishes, you will change or not change, which will, in turn, make me decide what I will do or not do from there, in order to take care of my own needs.

This is my wish for independence and space. This is doing something for me, and not to you.

In being so involved in trying to change others, I have failed to exercise the power that was mine—the power to change my own self.

In the process of loving you so much, I neglected loving me first, and lost myself in you. I love you, and now I must love me also! In other words, without distancing or anger, but with dignity and love, I am breaking the dysfunctional cycle of over-functioning and under-functioning, and the part I play in maintaining and provoking your behavior.

This, I hope, will free both of us to get to know ourselves in depth, and what we are both capable of, and hopefully, in the long run, result in our being able to comfortably love our relationship and one another more.



Lovingly and Sincerely,
Janey