We always said grace before our meals, and it went like this:  Bless, oh Lord, this food to our use, and us to thy service.  And keep us ever-mindful of the needs of others.  Amen.

This particular evening I decided it was my youngest son’s turn to recite the prayer.  He was only about five or six at the time and gleeful about finally getting his turn.  It went like this:  Bless, oh Lord, this food to our use, and us to thy service.  And keep us ever mindful of the need for butter.  Amen.

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One Sunday afternoon, while watching football on TV, my youngest son (about four years old) asked me what my favorite football team was.

 “Why, the Miami Dolphin’s of course,” I responded.

A couple of weeks later, my son came running into the kitchen from the TV room all excited and yelled out, “Dad, dad, your Ami Dolphin’s are playing.”

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An old drunk came into the church service, smelly and causing a great ruckus.  He kept raising his hand, trying desperately to get the preachers attention.  Finally the preacher stopped and addressed the man:

“Sir, do you have a question?”

“Yes I do preacher,” the drunken man slurred, spitting all over the people in the pew in front of him.  “Do you save women?”

“Of course,” the preacher replied.

“Oh, that’s good,” the drunk said ecstatically.  “Save one for me, will you?”

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I have the perfect solution to prevent balding.  It’s simple really; just rub Preparation H on your head.  Oh, it won’t grow hair - but it might shrink your head so the hair you have fits better.

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Bill Clinton was walking his new dog in the neighborhood one evening when a neighbor stopped him to ask:

“Hey Bill, did you get a new dog?”

“Yes, I did,” he replied.  “I got him for my wife.”

The neighbor looked down at the dog, and nodding his head said, “Good trade.”

The teacher told a third grade little girl that three Brazilian dancers would soon be coming to the school for an exhibition, and asked if she would see to it that they all had lunch that day.

The little girl started counting on her fingers.

“What are you doing?” the teacher asked.

“How many is a Brazilian?” asked the little girl.

The teacher asked the class, “Who can tell me the capital of Ohio?”

Johnny was ecstatic.  Finally a question he knew the answer to.  He flailed his hand franticly in the air, calling out over the others by shouting, “Oh! Oh! Oh!”

“Okay Johnny,” the teacher called on him.  “Tell us; what is the answer?”

Johnny gave her a look of amazement.  “That was the answer,” he replied.  “The capital of Ohio is ‘O’.”