The Eleventh Reason to be a Liberal (article) by Mel Hathorn on AuthorsDen

This is a follow-up to my previous article posted at www.authorsden.com/mel, The Top Ten Reasons To Be A Liberal. It recently occurred to me that there is an eleventh major difference between liberals and conservatives: Liberals are—to use the vernacular—hornier than conservatives. It is time for we liberals to use this fact to reclaim our planet. The Eleventh Reason to be a Liberal So how can I make such an outrageous statement? A recent study by Dr. Marion Haste—a double-blind study because it was excessively mishandled by conservatives—states that conservatives are so fearful of liberals’ staying power that they consistently fulminate against loose morality, civil unions and gay marriage. According to Haste, the reason they support issues such as the sanctity of marriage is that they fear that liberals because of their supposedly loose morals will repopulate the earth with “liberal spawn.” A follow-up study by Dr. Repenta en Lazzaire supported Haste’s conclusions. She stated that the swimmers of liberals are not only faster and hardier than the swimmers of the conservatives—slowed no doubt by their ideological baggage—but also laugh at the acidic environment of the uphill stream in which they must exist. Conservatives should be careful of what they wish for. For if conservatives are successful in shutting down Planed Parenthood centers, as well as other family planning agencies, the worst fear of the conservative could possibly come true . Liberals who tend to use such agencies more than conservatives may indeed face such an increase in population. So it seems that the conservatives are sending the liberals mixed messages. On the one hand, they wish liberals to follow their Biblical morality, yet at the same time they wish liberals to forget other Biblical mandates. So fellow liberals, we must use our God-given gifts of lustfulness and act in the manner the conservative wishes us to. Be wanton; be lecherous; be passionate; be horny. We must spread our seed far and wide across the earth so that “liberal spawn” may take over the planet. We must follow the forgotten Biblical mandate “to be fruitful, multiply (presumably like rabbits), and replenish the earth.” References Haste, M. (2005) Why are conservatives so panicky about liberals’ profuse power? Psychological Bulletin of Conservative Irrational Phobias, 1,328,203, 928-1004. en Lazzaire, R. (2005) Conservatives flunk fitness test: an in-vitro study. Journal of Progressive Dynamics, 2,550, 889, 201-856. ��

Reviewed by Russ Breitmos (Reader)

Reviewed on July 20, 2006

Personally, I think it's silly and specious. The other 10 reasons at least had some substance to discuss, even if not wholey agreed with. It seems to use the same brush conservatives/Republicans are accused of using. But is one to assume it's alright because it "feels good" (no pun intented)? I realize this is somewhat(!) belated, but the web being what it is, I've just read the article. Nothing ever goes away on the web! The styrofoam of the ether!

Reviewed by Sandy Knauer

Reviewed on January 27, 2006

Great points. Re: "According to Haste, the reason they support issues such as the sanctity of marriage is that they fear that liberals because of their supposedly loose morals will repopulate the earth with �liberal spawn.� I thought most of those trying to "preserve the sanctitity of marriage" were afraid their gay lovers would come out and blow their covers once assured of equal 'financial' rights, but this reason deserves equal consideration.