Anatomy of a Cheater….part II
Now that you’ve started talking with your spouse, fiancé, or girlfriend about those little things that might make either of you feel uncomfortable….you probably wish that you hadn’t, right? I know! She won’t stop, huh?
Ok, guys. If you didn’t know before, then you definitely know now. The types of things that can be read into your behavior by your spouse, fiancé, or girlfriend are infinite. This is why communication is so important. I didn’t say that communication was easy…especially regarding these issues. However, don’t be afraid of having a conversation that might become uncomfortable. (I’ll share with you some strategies for effective communication a bit later) Just know that the rewards for having these little talks far outweigh any temporary discomfort that either of you may experience. As you evaluate your own behaviors and decide to do what you can to maintain the trust that is so crucial in order for your relationship to survive, realize that “the best is yet to come”!
“Cheater”- A Definition Revisited
Let’s review an aspect of this concept of cheating from Part 1. You should understood that certain behaviors may have been “unintentionally disturbing” to your partner before deciding to communicate with her. Now, you should have an understanding of what is expected, desired, and safe for your relationship and for the heart of your loved one. If you decide to behave outside of those expectations….dude…you’re cheating, or you’re about to put yourself in a situation that is unsafe for your relationship.
Take a moment when you’re done reading this article to observe the margins of the webpage and notice some of the titles regarding relationships. You’ll find that there’s no shortage of articles written by women claiming to provide “10 ways to know if your man is cheating”, or “How to tell if he’s having an affair…”. You might even find some advertisements for private investigators. You may also find some links from those articles to divorce attorneys. Obviously this is a serious issue with potentially serious consequences. Yes, gentlemen! If you’re married or contemplating marriage you should be keenly aware that betrayal of trust may probably have legal, life altering consequences. Think.
What do They Think?
You may notice from observing the other articles and advertisements, or even in your own research that solutions or preventive information like “How to stop your man from cheating” doesn’t exist. The reality is that many writers who claim to be “experts” in infidelity or relationships aren’t interested in offering solutions…because it isn’t as marketable. Women have been unfairly targeted as consumers of books, magazines, and web resources that leave them with no hope. The products that they purchase create a mindset of “agitated hypersensitivity”, leave them with fear and wondering, and actually cause them to neglect or overlook the positive aspects of their relationships or marriages. Hopelessness abounds! Think about it. “What could you really do to stop someone who wants to cheat?”
An interesting poll by MSN asked nearly 10,000 women to comment on what they might do if they became the victims of a cheating spouse or boyfriend. Look at the results.
Question: If your partner slept with someone else would you end the relationship?
· Yes! Cheating is unforgivable! 61%
· No. But I would find out why he did it and talk through the problem. 17%
· It depends on if it was just sex, or if emotions were involved. 22%
What Do I think?
I wonder who these 39% of women are who would want to know why or if emotions were involved. I think that if this poll question was given to 10,000 men the results would look like this:
Question: If your partner slept with someone else would you end the relationship?
- Yes! Cheating is unforgivable! 90%
- Do you mean after the guy was released from the hospital? 10%
- (Your response here)
Seriously. No man that I know would even think twice. It’s Over!!! Why would women care why someone cheated or if there were emotions involved? It’s because they think differently about relationships and attach or invest differently than most men do. I don’t have time to explain fully here in this article. Suffice it to say that for most men the emotional or mental pain of infidelity would be too much to overcome in order for the relationship to survive. Why, then, do men account for the majority of those who are unfaithful? Some “experts” will try to explain the answer to you, but I don’t think there is one answer that will justify making the decision to hurt someone and cause them the mental anguish and emotional pain that you yourself would be unable to bear. That’s the bottom line.
So, what’s the Solution?
I’m glad you asked! There are tips that young men can follow in order to avoid the chasm of infidelity. I know (because you asked) that you’re interested in finding out how you can show your fiancé, spouse, or girlfriend that her heart can safely trust in you. I know (because you asked) that you want to protect your loved one from the emotional hurt and devastation that would result from cheating. I will share my tips with you in my next article. In the mean time, begin now by really listening with your heart to your fiancé. Understand the fact that she probably loves you enough to forgive you even if you made the worst mistake…and caused her the worst hurt possible. Let this reality of her love sink in to your heart, and understand what a precious gift the two of you are to each other.
I’ll share my three steps to “Cheat-Proofing” yourself in my next article.
Jeremy Watkins is a certified counselor and the creator of The Bachelor’s Boot Camp ™. He is committed to helping young men understand their role and responsibilities in marriage. His book outlines the purposes and process for an alternative to the traditional “bachelor party”. You may contact him at thebachelorsbootcamp.windstream.net
For news, booking information, and to review The Bachelor’s Boot Camp visit:
http://www.authorsden.com/jeremygwatkins
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