Good grief, Charlie Brown! Families are running around like crazy--and it's chaotic, to say the least. Here's my question: Is this what you want your children, nieces, nephews, parents, and friends to remember about any time spent with you, i.e., that it's chaotic and crazy? Hmmm....I think not.
So, here are some ideas for creating and using margins* with your friends and family.
1. If your children or other members of your family are involved in an organized sport, limit it to one per person per season.
2. Have one day or evening a week that is "off limits" for anything scheduled, at all.
3. The "off limits" day refers to you, too.
4. Too many families are using all their margins for screen time (TV, video games, movie rentals, computer, etc.) and should consider instituting limits. Start with an "ASO" time ("All Screens Off") by a certain hour or until a certain hour.
5. Cooking together is cheap entertainment. You've got to eat, and even the smallest children can help with some element of the meal.
6. Create traditions. These can be as silly or serious as you like, but maintain them year after year.
7. Don't bring all your "work talk" to the dinner table. Talk about current events, happy activities, or listen to pleasant music. Re-hashing a battle you've had in the classroom isn't likely to produce much calm in your home-life.
8. Have frank discussions with friends and family about what it "looks," "feels," or "sounds" like when you and they are out of margins (or getting close). And talk about how you and they want to be notified of this. For example, my dad used to say, "At ease, Meg, Meg." That was his way of telling me that I was nearing the edge. My former assistant, Sue (who is also my good friend) and I have agreed that it's OK for me to say to her, "It's not worth a headache," if it seems that she is getting too ramped up about something. Think about what would work for you.
9. Prioritize the people you want to spend time with. You may set priorities within your family (e.g., you decide it's more important for you to spend time with your daughter than your cousin) and you may set priorities among your friends (e.g., Friend A is a higher priority friend than Friend B). Then, schedule time to be with the higher priority family and/or friends. (Remember, I warned you at the beginning of the Keeping Chaos at Bay series that these weren't all easy to do.)
10. Define what margins look and feel like for you, as far as your relationships and time with friends and family. Let people know and find out what it looks and feels like for them. You might be surprised.
*Richard Swenson defines margins as "the space that once existed between ourselves and our limits. It's something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations."
Margins with your family and friends help keep chaos at bay--and let you lead a life that is more peacefully productive. That's what you want isn't it? Margins are "the difference between calm and crazed." To receive weekly tips about margins, just go to Pumpernickel Publishing where you can sign up to receive one tip per week in one or more of the following series:
**Tips: Creating Margins in Your Personal Life
**Tips: Creating Margins in Your Professional Life
**Tips: Creating Time, Energy, & Life Margins: Tips for Teachers
Tip: If you are interested in more than one, it's better to sign up for one at a time...or at least only sign up for one today and then a different one tomorrow. That way, you really will only get one tip on a given day and you'll have a chance to implement that before you get the next one.
Find other helpful ideas check out:
**From the Desk of Meggin McIntosh
(c) 2008 by Meggin McIntosh, Ph.D., "The Ph. D. of Productivity"(tm)
Through her company, Emphasis on Excellence, Inc., Meggin McIntosh changes what people know, feel, dream, and do via seminars, workshops, writing, coaching, & consulting.
