As I approached the accused child, words came out of his mouth before I had an opportunity to even inquire his point of view. “I was only teasing!” This is the classic excuse that most bullies will use when they are accused of verbal abuse. On the school campus, expressions fly around that can strongly impact others. The old phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,” is a myth. Names do hurt.
Teasing usually happens between friends. Verbal abuse happens to weaker students who are unable to stand up for themselves. Sometimes meanness is intended. Other times, the words are commonly used in the student’s environment and due to the immaturity of the student, the impact of the words are not always clear.
If you know that the two students who are involved in the incident are not friends, you can be sure that it was not just teasing. At times, the school environment prevents you from knowing if the students are friends. Observe the student’s body language and inquire when needed if the students are just classmates or spend time together as buddies.
A key factor to remember, teasing becomes bullying when it happens often and over a period of time. Relationships that at first appear as typical friendships may not really be friendships, rather manipulation. Set up a structure to help keep track of the frequency a child is being accused of verbal abuse or is found saying, “I was only teasing!” When a team of adults observe the unacceptable behavior and work cooperatively, additional patterns may also be noticed which may lead to a proactive means of helping the bully alongside others in the school.
While on a school campus, phrases of bullies always gain my attention. How do I know the phrases bullies like to use? I was once a bully. So, if you want bullying to go away, I believe that everyone needs to be aware of the bully’s excuses and create a plan to eliminate its power.
For additional suggestions, visit Billy Speaks, your trusted Bully Advisor.
I am Ajay sharma, coming again back to you. Have seen your articles on Bully Excuses #1,#2,#3,#4,#5......
Need your kind permission to publish the same in the magazine"Teacher's Net", a magazine for the professional development of teachers in India. This will certainly help them tackle the problem mote systematically. Thanks and Regards
Ajay Sharma
I've noticed, after a long and eventful life, that when I witness a child's cruelty to another I am deeply moved and troubled because the effects are so familiar. Observing a broken-hearted child in a situation that I instigated many times, haunts and distresses me like no other childhood memory I retain. I have learned from those indiscretions and now campaign against bullying whenever I can. I have written about it. I have lectured on it. And, fortunately, as a supervisor at a Fire Department (yes, bullying continues in the workplace) I was able to do something about it. I was always amazed that, when having a heart-to-heart talk with an employee who liked to push others around, he, sometimes she, had the same secret loathing of their behavior.
I'd be willing to bet, Billy, that one effective proactive approach in reducing a bully's bluster would be to impress upon him (or her)the inner feelings that will develop as time passes. The unpleasant feelings may already be creeping in if they'll only admit it.
Schuyler T. Wallace