AuthorsDen.com   Join | Login    
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    BOOKS    SAMPLE CHAPTERS    AUDIOBOOKS    eBOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    VIDEOS    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Christina Neely, iJeff Ovall, iGibbs Williams, iAlvin Romer, iLloydene Hill, iBob Boze, iMargaret Mullings, iNeenah Davis-Wilson, iWilliam Potter, iGlenda Bixler, i

  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry      Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

Henry Custer

 Follow Me  

· Contact Me
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· News
· Stories
· Messages
· 22 Titles
· 86 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Before 2003

Henry Custer, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen!


Books by
Henry Custer







See all Books
by Henry Custer


Safe Driving - It's not for Everyone
by Henry Custer   
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
     
Last edited: Saturday, January 1, 2005
Posted: Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Recent articles by
Henry Custer

• The Short Rows
• What I Believe
• Biker Babe: A Profile
• North by Northeast
• Scootin' to STAR
           >> View all

Satire concerning unsafe driving habits commonly observed by this author.




   The insidious manufacturers of automobiles have finally hit the pinnacle with safety devices. If the overpriced chariots of today are designed for idiots they have evidently identified their market.


   In the interest of safety we now have, even on the most mundane vehicles, automatically canceling turn signals, automatic headlights, automatic stop lights, automated braking systems and a myriad of other devices designed to compensate for our lack of driving ability or education.


   Who needs those flashing lights on a stick? If you want to change lanes you only need to pay attention. There will probably be an opening you can dart into without involving the other drivers. After all, they need all their wits about them to drive and dial the phone, apply makeup, shave or comb their hair, and still get to work on time. Or, if you're the more cautious type, just move over very slowly, giving other drivers plenty of time to make room for you in their lane. Of course if someone does this to you, just honk the horn politely, strictly in the spirit of education.


   Another often-misused feature is the stoplights. Taping your brake pedal more than once can draw the attention of the drivers behind you, which again, can be a distraction. Remember, distractions are dangerous. And speaking of brakes; if you have those new ABS things, there is no need to start slowing down so soon. This slows traffic, creating a dangerous situation. With ABS you can stop very quickly with no skidding or loss of control. Anyway, if someone hits you from behind it is generally considered to be his or her fault.


   We all know about the three-second rule; that is, keeping that interval between you and the car ahead of you. By driving just three feet behind that car you can greatly enhance your fuel mileage.

Why should you be the one breaking wind?





Copyright © 2004 by Henry Custer. All rights reserved.





 
 
 


Want to review or comment on this article?


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Reviewed by Katryn Dougherty
Reviewed on May 22, 2004
all so true

Reviewed by Elaine Carey
Reviewed on May 21, 2004
Hahahaha! Way too true. You've apparently driven in my town recently.

Reviewed by Lynn Barry
Reviewed on May 20, 2004
Awesome article...your talent always impresses me...

Popular Humor Articles
  1.  Penny Power
  2.  Pedicure and Chicken
  3.  Snow White Trailer Trash Talk
  4.  Beware the Tsundoku!
  5.  Poetry Submission
  6.  Kaltenheiss's famed Katya im Boxer qua
  7.  Shot/No Shot
  8.  How to Survive Bean Soup, The Game.
  9.  Losing Ticket
  10.  Dilatation of Closed Phrenix Confabula
  11.  The Great Turtle Stampede
  12.  Precedent Linkin's Gettysberg A Dress
  13.  Imminent Danger
  14.  Breaking Bad meets Star Trek and Pies
  15.  Getting Old In The Real World
  16.  The Left-Handed Heart
  17.  More GFI
  18.  Toughest Million
  19.  NEW KEYBOARD
  20.  FALLEN
  21.  Hollywood Coffee
  22.  My colonoscopy 3/20/14 – I have to tel
  23.  Spark Plug
  24.  Battle of the Bulge: Jesus Hates Speed
  25.  Segments from a Bifurcated Life

Free Book Review Program
Select a book to read and review today!

Love is a Pretty Girl with a Cape to Share Your Dreams With by Bob Boze

A humorous look at the world and life through my eyes. Follow the author and his wife, as they travel the world …. several times over. Laugh at their funny stories, self-inflicted crazy events, strange observations, wacky zoo facts and snippets  
Member BookAds

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered by Jay Dubya

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered (Part I) is adult literature featuring adult content and language.  
Member BookAds

Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V by Jay Dubya

Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V is humorous adult literature featuring adult content and language. The work satirizes and spoofs thirteen classic tales from U.S. and British literature, a  
Member BookAds