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Keith John Paul Horcasitas

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Setting Boundaries …The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions ….
by Keith John Paul Horcasitas   
Rated "G" by the Author.
     
Last edited: Monday, February 10, 2020
Posted: Sunday, February 9, 2020

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Memories of Working at the New Orleans Council on Aging, Training for Caregivers, Setting Boundaries, Empowering Clients ...

Public Domain Pic: Irma Kurtz, DailyCaring

Back in the late 80s, when I was working at the New Orleans Council on Aging at the Pan Am Building on Canal and S. Rocheblave Streets (now a part of the VA-NO) in N'Awlins, Charlie Smith, BCSW, was a seasoned Social Worker on my staff who helped manage our homemakers, the folks who did light housekeeping and personal care for elders.

When some of our Caregivers were complaining to us at our staff meeting about being stressed out, the wise Charlie recounted to them the very things that they had told him they did for their clients, which were not in there scope of care to help them, but which actually made the clients more dependent on them.

That's when Charlie chanted that famous quote that helps remind all of us to set boundaries, empower others and not to make them "co-dependent" on but inter-dependent with us:

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions!"

To lighten things up - and to acknowledge to my aides the great work that most of them had actually done, I then sang the caregivers a JT song: "Shower The People," ... love that line:

“I think it's true what they say about the squeaky wheel
... always getting the grease ….

Shower the People you love with ("TOUGH") love
Show them the way you feel ....”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7jq_HBeS-c     


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Reviewed by Timothy Buchanan
Reviewed on February 18, 2020
Thank you, Keith, for posting this. This same message needs to be understood by the Church today, for many grow weary in good-intentioned but unrealistic or recklessly misdirected "ministries" like Rise Against Hunger (formerly, Stop Hunger NOW!). Well done.

Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on February 10, 2020
Yes, clear boundaries between what is expected and what is required should be clearly set so that both sides of the caregiving coin have the same expectations.

Having had caregivers in my home for 27 years has been a challenge, especially when caregivers start blaming their expectations on others. I must admit, initially having a strict checklist. But my needs have changed often (like a new pill added or one taken away) as my condition worsens, and now I rely on my primary caregiver, having to change how she cares for me almost daily, to instruct the other caregivers on precisely what to do to keep me from injury and ill health.

I abhor the connotation of "light housekeeping." Before I was unable, I cleaned my own house. There were some cleaning tasks that I couldn't do and relegated to others. But when I started to give all cleaning over to my caregivers, I found that light housekeeping, while it keeps up appearances, does not make a house a home. Eventually, those areas that "light housekeeping" seems to ignore, can result in an unsavory home environment. When I was able, I found that window cleaning was easy and necessary to keep a house/car looking good. Whoever spread the rumor that window cleaning was hard, should be shot! No one wants to spend their days looking out of grungy windows.

Housecleaning pros are very specific in their cleaning activities… And very costly. Same thing with lawn services. Thanks to immigrants, mowing and edging a lawn is inexpensive. But making sure that a disabled person's yard is completely well taken care of with pruning, weeding and other necessary chores like a gardener would do, can become quite expensive and quite commercial rather than personalized for the home.

The best caregivers are those, within their allotted time for working, who go as far as they can, sometimes beyond, to provide a comfortable, healthy and pleasant environment for those they care for.

Ron

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