Article isn't long, but if you're in a hurry, I posted a poem by the same name. While it doesn't cover all the bases, the basic message is the same: If we're not all in the same boat, most of us have been seasick at some point (or still are). Many of us came close to drowning. So if you're in trouble, seek help. Be good to yourself, be good to others, accept your emotions,
listen to your body, and take care of it. Time i s a great healer, and just by surviving, you have proven you have the guts to fight, and win.

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My heart goes out! If only there was something I could say that would make it all better. But it is will take time for your confidence and sense of trust to come back. Meantime, as you say, you have a family to care for and outside responsibilities that will not go away. It sounds as if your loved ones are working hard to be supportive. That is wonderful. But it isn’t enough, is it? Counseling has helped, you say. Is there any way you can arrange for more? Transportation and child- and elder-care problems interfere, is it possible that Social Services, Mental Health or some other agency would set up home visits? Regardless of how you feel about formal religion, I would consider talking to a minister, priest or rabbi. He or she might be able to give you new insights, or help you find your way to them. Plus it would be another route to the type of resources you need. I am planning to forward relevant Internet links, but if I were you, I would conduct my own searches. Try “help for depression,” “help victims,” “health issues,” “emotional recovery,” and “mental health resources.” One site will lead to another and another, opening up a whole new world. And no wonder. Literally millions of people are fighting flashbacks, sleeplessness, headaches, stomach upsets, wooziness, periods of self-loathing and mood swings. Why? Because they, too, were attacked. Physically, psychologically, all amounts to the same thing. All too often physical and emotional torture – yes, I mean torture – have shaken them until their teeth rattle, and only by reaching out do they have a prayer of recovering. Most who do reach out will someday lead normal lives. I will not lie to you. Being traumatized changes a person. But change is not bad. Let’s hope not! Given enough time, nonliving things change. If a living organism stops changing, it dies. It is as simple as that. But you know that. Just as you know that there are almost as many symptoms as there are people. Each of us reacts differently. You’re right when you say no one knows what it is like to walk in your moccasins. But legions of us walk in shoes that pinch in or near the same places. Our moccasins, too, got struck and tugged at until holes opened up.. Soles came unstitched and one lace is so full of knots, it may never be the same. Other’s nowhere to be seen. But the pain and worry ease when we talk to others whose shoes need repairing. Maybe they’ve been fixed. If so, chances are they look and wear different than before What Happened, Happened. In some ways are worse, in many ways, better. Carried the metaphor too far, let me put it this way. We need friends who understand what we are talking about. And as we all know, experience teaches best. You can try on all the shoes you want, but unless you have walked, run and jumped hurdles in them, you ain’ worn ‘em. You can speculate on how they’ll wear, but that’s it. If they haven’t been subjected to bad treatment by people or events while they were on you, might as well be new.

Whatever you do, it is very, very important that to accept your feelings. Trying to "be happy" or "well-adjusted" only makes things worse. Often we try to hide behind smiles when we should be saying, "I feel sad. I feel angry. Confused would be a step up. Give me time to work through my feelings, please." Loved ones are as supportive as you say, they will understand and not push you. Personally, when bad memories and other stresses get to be too much, I find that it helps to go someplace where no one is around and scream at the top of my lungs. Cry, stomp, and curse. Other activities that help are giving myself frequent rewards (even if it is just saying silently to myself, "You did good! You should be proud!") and going out-of-doors. . .even on rainy days, if it is warm. Going to a movie or library or just taking a walk with friends, keeping a journal, writing angry letters and then tearing them up, watching comedies and reading jokes, and pursuing or learning a hobby can help stave off panic and blues. Pets can be lifesavers. And as you know, adoptees are as close as the nearest pound. Gets boring hearing "exercise," but it really does help. And it is extremely important to keep blood sugar normal by avoiding sweets and other refined carbohydrates. Hope you're eating lots of veggies and fruit!! Whole grains increase calmness, and nuts such as almonds and walnuts (unsalted, of course). The time-honored glass of warm milk at bedtime earned its rep. Take a strong multivitamin every day, and extra magnesium. Wear a sleep mask or tie a kerchief over your eyes when you go to bed to get the benefits of darkness. Extra lights during the day will help maintain the proper serotonin level, and dark at night increases melatonin. You will sleep better and be more alert during the day.

It is also very important to learn the symptoms of clinical depression and watch for them. If some of them fit, make an appointment with your doctor. Don’t have one, ask a trusted friend to recommend a psychiatrist (not a psychologist) who is qualified to treat depression, or contact the nearest medical association. Do not try to tough it out!!

You feel isolated and alone. Considering all you have suffered, it is more than understandable. But shock is doing all the talking. Start talking back! Won’t be hard to find verbal ammunition. According to The Sourcebook of Criminal Justice Statistics 2001, 6,597 U.S. citizens were victimized by violent criminals that year alone (about a third by family members). Think what that means. During the past ten years, more than 60,000 victims were traumatized in that way. That doesn’t include threatening encounters and-or unreported crimes. Respected advocates tell us that as many as 4,000,000 spouses are being assaulted each year. We all know that victims are often too scared or beat down to press charges. Double or triple it for domestic abuse. Rape, who knows? Then there are other types of violence that shake, maim and disorient. Floods, earthquakes, tornados, wrecks, fires, on-the-job accidents, accidents involving firearms. Diseases rip into our bodies and those of our loved ones. Someone we know commits suicide. Listing possibilities is depressing. One of the worst consequences of any type of violence is that we tend to fall prey to “bad things happen to bad people.” That, too, is shock talking. Quicker we show it the door, the better. Door hits its rear, way t’go.

The suggestions in this letter sound awfully simple. Like recommending a Band-Aid for a severed limb. But our bodies, minds and emotions cannot be separated! Each one affects the other. All the time! Alcohol depresses, sure you know that. Ironically, it also over-excites. But to go back to the basic problem, remember, feelings can't hurt you. Aren't wrong or right!! Feel what we feel!!

Hope this helps some. But Time is the great healer. And the Love you give, as well as receive.

Be good to yourself.. You deserve it. You have shown great courage in reaching out (not to mention you had the guts and intelligence to survive.) There are men, women and children out there who need you, and when you are feeling better, you will be able to help as no one else could.

Love, Faith and Admiration,

Phyllis