~~~~~~~~~~~~More Immature Humor by 'PeaJ'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>>>

          If I was a hit person, my freebie list would include Grammar Police
who are hooked on “whom” and “If I were.” But the sadistic twit who invents age ranges for craft kits would definitely come first.


          “Easy for a 10-year-old," indeed!


          Before going over the tragic details, let me assure you that I
will never be a hit person. I mean, have you looked at the application? Naturally, bureaucracy has stuck its l3-toed feet into the profession’s affairs. For example, “In order to operate as a hit
professional, you m u s t maintain valid membership in BYADA {Bang You Are Dead Assocation}.
Now get this. It costs $500 a pop! Excuse me, I meant to say a year. Among the other drawbacks
is having to be able to shoot some kind of gun. Pick out the right bullets or cartridges, et cet, et cet, yata-ya. What’s more, you have to show you can shoot without screwing up your face and falling down.
Seems a bit rigid to me. Fainting at the sight of blood is another no-no, if you can believe it.
And you have to be able to tell one kind of knife from another. These are just for starters!


          Okay, okay. Stop whacking me with that telephone book and turn off that big light. Send Bad Cop for doughnuts. I admit it! I do not believe in, nor have I ever believed in, killing. Hop over ants on the sidewalk. Deer stomp all over my yard, and I wave. I confess that when watching them dine on my rhododendrum buds, it triggers evil thoughts, but golly, gee, ever’ darn one looks like Bambi.


          Still, there are moments when I find myself thinking, “Maybe I’m not BYADA material, but I heard of a guy who heard of a broad who sells twofers. If murder in
the heart is a sin, I am right up there – excuse me, down – with Jimmy Carter [who lusted in his heart, if you will remember; bless his heart, if he had only known].


          Above is Eyes Only!


          Back to the main subject, have you ever tried to bead
microscopic beads into “an attractive and colorful necklace?”


          First you have to figure out how to pick one of the suckers up.
I have found that duct tape leaves a sticky residue. And there is the problem, of getting the bead
off the tape.

          Skinny wire is also involved. Need I say more?


          What it should have said on the box was, “Guarantted to make
a grown-up cry and gnash its teeth. Caution: protect your ears against bad words.”


          I know, I know, I know. You and ten of your closest friends
beaded belts for each other during a commercial break. Please don’t tell me again. I might have
to rethink my attitude toward authomatic weapons.


          Naaaaaa.


          But I know a guy who knows a broad who. . .


          How much does it cost to call New Jersey?



                    (c) PeaJ

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