{ring-tone begins to play}

...oh and here now I have no good excuse for not answering the mobile phone which is now ringing as I write these words, singing its ring-tone that requires no cord anymore, so there is a presumption there is no need to unhook it ever. Pleased with themselves, the giant companies owning the networks whose daily aggregate data stream-wide intellectual property volume is proportionally bigger than the whole of human voices ever spoken and written combined, disagree not on that point.

OK to leave it on then, since we now have unlimited data plans, even when there is no one who cares to answer it? NOW, Whitney Houston, we have a problem,

{Leave a message after the beep...BEEP! Thanks for calling.}

Dear Whitney, the clue phone keeps ringing but no one is home...What fresh neurosis is this?

Terra-form your life online and off, munch in your houses, swirling yourself into oblivion. Chew on IHOP Bacon Wrapped Sirloin steaks, while the IRS stacks interest on you, by bonking you in the head and dumping the U.S. debt  into your worn-out shoes. It makes it hard to move forward financially with trillion dollar lead weights strapped to us. We could use some of the cash levels generated from the resultant tort reform laws Congress passed, that made fortunes for some, even when paid into damagees accounts showing that the judges had talent, though the tension was usually jettisoned by ending the suspense and ruling in favor of the damagers. Limited laughter in the courtroom, was joined by the rudimentary lack of fairness, though rumour has it Howard Stern interviewed the winner. Who are we to judge these judges? We merely impersonate real life people today anyway, not like the teams on the field who represent the best corporate America can muster, even in precarious times like these. So go FACEBOOK, GOOGLE, and BING. You are the real masters of our fate. May God help us all.

Adoration and love is great, where the stock options and IPOs soar in value. We can Charlie Manson a crowd like that, and then mob ourselves into the spotlight, swept along with money hungry fever of the hounds of Wall Street and the talking heads of 24-hour cable news channels, representing an opinion for every taste and persuasion out there. The best of them get red-hot flames of the attention from media hounds who profit by feeding America the latest kick-off of all the charges now imminent. Wait till the whole country gets the bill. We’ve lost contact with reality. Start looking for it. Theory has it has fled the country and is hiding out in Jamaica. I’ve to vacation there with my pal, the newly minted president of France, before they take my golden earrings from me, and my job vanishes in the breeze like your last job did after the last US presidential election. This is the Twilight Zone. I have a plane to catch to the islands, and with socialism in America on the rise, you have got to report to duty. So don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Thanks for your time, America, it's been a pleasure.