A Letter from Lavender Aurora
I got a letter today, from Lavender Aurora. Such a delightfully poetic name, isn't it? It rolls off the tongue, L a v e n d a r A u r o r a... I have a dream.... a vision of nothing but loveliness, a mountain mist, a twilight sky. Oh, but names can be deceiving, can't they?
I'm not sure how I was fortunate enough to receive a letter from Ms. Aurora, but there it was, in all its glory, in today's mail. The envelope is printed in royal blue (appropriate colour for screwing someone royally) with a cartoon profile of Shakespeare and big bold letters for the return address, which read: Famouspoets.com/ PO Box 21/Talent (yeah, that's right) Talent, Oregon/97540.
Whew... now that's sum kinda gude, ain't it???
Just above the address window, in italicized lettering it reads: Important Dated Material, well I can't tell you how dated that line is, but you get the picture...next to that, in bold lettering it reads: Famous Poets Society.
Funny, I never heard of Famous Poets Society until I read several articles concerning poetry scams, and was referred to others by David Taub, Editor of Poetry Now, which were also concerned with the subject of poets/writers being taken advantage of by these organizations and how to avoid publication scams. One in particular, is known as: Poetry of Shame emphasizing the "shame over fame".
Like mama always said, fool me once, fool me twice, but three times I am the fool...Maybe questionable business practices are that which makes them famous? Perhaps they should change their name to something more appropriate like, Infamous Poets Society?
Considering I have never contacted this organization, it was interesting to receive an envelope full of advertising which looks as though it were printed in the 50's, advertising that worked as mass media approach when we were a younger and more innocent nation of citizens. Remember the match cover and comic book advertisements for "Famous Artists"?
If this sounds familiar, read on...
They ("Famous poets") offered me a free video, just for entering their new contest. Wow, it is hard to turn that down, let me see... Oh, it is called, "The Seven Ages of Man" with yet another cartoon of Shakespeare, boy he sure gets around. I'm not sure I ever considered Shakespeare a media hound, but I'm sure that no one would recognize a cartoon of Aphra Behn or Nazim Hikmet. Did I mention the exclusive video of Shakespeare's work is a 39.95 value, offered to me "free"? (Just for entering their new contest) Insert batting, flirtatious eyes here --------.
That's not all. The rewards and honours I have received are frankly, too good to be true ! I must say I was absolutely thrilled to receive a genuine "Certificate of Achievement" presented to me, Deborah Elizabeth Russell, for "Outstanding Achievement In Poetry".
Also, if that wasn't enough, I received an EXCLUSIVE invitation to be "published" in "Our 100 Most Famous Poets - The Brief Chroniclers of Our Time", which is presented under the auspices (I like the word, auspices, don't you?) of Famous Poets Institute for Advanced Poetical Studies.
Wow, that sounds exceptional, educational and note worthy, doesn't it? Let me repeat their specific and unique phrase: Institute for Advanced Poetical Studies. My, my it sure does sound impressive. The phrase "advanced poetical studies" drips off the tongue like Harvard or Princeton. Oh, someone steady me, I am whirling and spinning with the excitement. Suddenly my head is filled with visions of caps and gowns, tweed suits and lots of big words, words I have never heard of, words I have only dreamed of....
Wow, could I be dreaming, or I truly must be one of the fortunate, one of the chosen. It's as if God himself has blessed my very hand and has guided my thirty five year effort to prepare me for this very moment.
That I, Deborah Elizabeth Russell, would be honoured by Lavender Aurora and her partner, Mark Schramm (Famous Poets Society, Executive Director), with a blessed Certificate of Achievement, by THE FAMOUS POETS SOCIETY...
Lavender Aurora's Personal Letter, dated: 03/11/04:
Dear Deborah:
I love having you as part of my extended family...wonderful poet that you are. I'll keep this short (I know you are busy) I am inviting 100 of my favorite poets for publication in one of the best collections of poetry I've ever had the honor to compile: "Our 100 Most Famous Poets - The Brief Chroniclers of Our Time".
Your poem of 21 lines or less will be accepted sight unseen, based on your fine reputation with us as a poet. I'm so proud of you! We are going to press in less than 90 days so please be kind enough to fill out the enclosed Permission Form and return it to me as quickly as possible. You will be able to display this lovely book with pride for generations to come. I'll be on pins and needles until I hear from you!
Poetically yours, (Isn't that sweet?)
Lavender Aurora, Poetry Editor
PS Mark Schramm, our Executive Director, joins me in presenting you with this beautiful Certificate of Achievement.
Thank you for adding beauty to our world with your poetry.
cut along fold, frame and display with pride - cut along fold, frame and display with pride
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Deborah Russell, © 2004
