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Great Titles. Mine. Now Yours.
Let me just guess: you've got a book in you, but you can't figure out what it is, how to start it, or whether, if you start it, you can have it finished by the time your old lady comes home from doing REAL work and asks, again, what the hell you have been DOING all day...
Help is here. These haven't been done, but probably should or should not be. Available or not in print, or as Ebooks, or Ibooks, or Ubooks. 'Til then, just call them
myBooks
The Proof of Unicorns (or, "PU")
I imagine some treatise heavy on the scatalogical analysis. If people go wild over petrified paleozoic poop, they ought to go bonkers over imaginary beast blops. Plus, there's a little "Howard Hughes Biographer" in all of us: horse and rhino might be a good combination. Stir well.
"No, I'm NOT..."
Book where people with famous last names tell about the blessings/curses of having famous last names.
Kennedy/Castro/Capone/Gates/Bush/Schwartzenegger/ Einstein/Seinfeld/Stalin/TseTung/Marx/Frankfurter
Maybe we'll even let them tell a little about THEIR lives.
Maybe not. Could become a t.v. show. Everything else does.
OpenSaysAMe
This book contains catchy opening lines for the catchy, opening-lines impaired, for a variety of situations. Satisfies every English teacher's mantra of "tell them what you are going to tell them... etc". Here are some examples:
Accept this as a premise:
Undear John (or, "Nolonger Dear John")
I think you stink. Here's why:
I've read what you call a memo...
Thank you for cc'ing me on whatever it was that you cc'd me on. I've taken the liberty of cc'ing others also not interested, attaching your memo to this memo, and encouraging them to cc people THEY don't know and who ALSO don't care about whatever it was YOUR memo said, with YOUR memo, MY memo, and their OWN memo.
Everything You Need To Know About Famous People
Actually, this could be a whole series of little books -- little cheat- sheeters that give the reader snippet-sized information that enables them to feel comfortable in any social conversation. The series might run like this:
Hollywood Stars
Hollywood Stars Planning on Running for President
Hollywood Stars Unlikely to BE Hollywood Stars a Year from Now
Rock Musicians (same series as Hollywood Stars)
Politicians Planning on Becoming Hollywood Stars
People that Should Be Famous
People that Would Rather be Rich than Famous, but are famous now, sorta, thanks to This Book
Famous People You Didn't Know Were Famous
I'd say you could have a cheatsheet series dealing with intellectual topics at intellectual parties, but I can't figure out how you'd get invited.
Other Titles
Things About the Earth
Little-known Countries, and Why
Origins of Weird Names
(Roddenberry)
(Pladek)
(Merrgl)
(Ponce de' Leon)
Most Recognizable Baby Words
History of the U.S. Two Dollar Bill, and Why Not
The Little Column of Mostly Big Book Ideas
Wait. I think I wrote this one already.
You also ought to be able to buy a single-edition edition, "Everything Everybody Else Thinks Worth Knowing". But as this could be a rather lengthy scroll, you might opt for "Everything Everybody Actually Needs to Know". This one would just contain YOUR name, your children's birthdays, and the phone number of the local pizza joint.
If all of this is still beyond you, consider the most assured way of getting published. Cheap Imitation, as in:
Title: Moby Willis
Review: Goofy t.v. character experiences unusual growth spurt in unusual area
Title: On Malden's Pond
Review: Bring plenty of tissues.
Title: The Sun Also Sets
Review: Sequel with Galilean Slant
Title: Thatcher on the Rye
Review: Ex-Prime Minister hits the sauce
Title: Tail of Two Kitties
Review: Guess they're both really attached to one another.
Title: The Not So Good, Not So Bad, Not So Ugly
Review: Not too good. Not too bad. I've seen prettier.
Title: The Flimsy Report
Review: Why men are really softies
Title: Pair of Dice Lost
Review: Vegas misfortune
Title: The Autobiography of Malcom IX
Review: Well, now we know
Title: In The Road Again
Review: Last Minute Southern Delicacies. Gamey.
Title: All the President's Women
Review: Hmm....
I hope this gets you going in a direction. Piece of advice: you might try reading a couple of real books before you tackle the task of writing one. If, for no other reason, than to dissuade you from the attempt. Yes, everyone has a book in them. The same one.
The same, very boring one.
Write?
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