Jews and Guns

First off, let me state, so no one misconstrue s my meaning, I am Jewish so this is not, in any way shape or form, meant to be an ethnic slur. Also, I am not attempting to paint all Jews with a broad brush, only those that I know; only those that I have personal contact with.

Jewish people, especially highly liberally slanted Democrat people have, for some reason, an unreasonable, in my opinion, aversion to guns.

Most Jews being “liberally slanted Democrats” is another – Why? — question of mine, but a question, I’m sure, that will be discussed as 11/6/12 grows closer.

A little personal history here:

I was a kid of the forties; nineteen forties, that is, and I have always liked guns. I mean our games – if there were no girls allowed, and usually there weren’t any girls allowed – were Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers and Soldiers. I was a Gene Audrey, Roy Rogers’ kind’a kid with, every once in a while, a Red Ryder thrown in … Although, truth be told, I did favor Roy and did have a Roy Rogers cap pistol and holster and did consider myself to be a pretty quick “draw”.

However, even counting for three and a half years in the military, throughout the years of my life I had never fired anything more powerful than a .22 caliber rifle and, other than that .22 caliber rifle, had never owned a gun.

Okay, this all started when my  (soon to be— in June – wife) lady-friend opened her deceased, ninety-six year old mother’s linin chest and, lo and behold, we found a western style, .22 caliber six shooter that quite possibly had been laying buried between sheets and pillow cases for thirty years. Locating a local Gun Smith, I had the pistol checked, cleaned and oiled.

Going on:

We have a neighbor/friend that is into guns and does fire at an outdoor shooting range that’s about thirty-five miles from where we live… So, one evening about two months ago, while at his home, Ritchie brought his two Smith & Wesson .357’s out to show us and it was at that time that Bonnie ( my “soon to be”)  exclaimed, “The smell of a well-oiled gun really excites me!” It was also, at that time, that I decided – although, really, I love her anyway – that I really love shiksas!

A bit about Bonnie:

Till this time, and up to her exclamation of, “The smell of a well-oiled gun really excites me!” I had no idea that Bonnie was “into” guns. As a matter of fact, as it turns out, about forty years ago she had purchased a snub nosed .38 caliber pistol for her first husband’s birthday and she and her husband would go to the local indoor range to fire the gun, and that she really enjoys target shooting… Go figure!

“So,” I asked Bonnie, “should we get something more powerful than a .22?”

“Yes,” Bonnie answered emphatically.

“You guys want to go to the range with me on Friday?” Ritchie asked.

“Yes,” both Bonnie and I emphatically answered.

Excusing himself, Ritchie went to a back room and returned a minute or two later with a small plastic bag. Taking me aside, “Here,” he said, handing me the bag. “For later, when you two are alone.” In the bag was a piece of gauze soaked in gun oil.

So that Friday Bonnie and I went with Ritchie to the gun range where we both fired our .22 and both of his .357’s; although at the gun range, because we’re firing at metal targets and .357’s would blow the targets apart, the .357 pistols can, and at the pistol range must fire nothing heavier than .38 caliber bullets.  

After studying for and passing a California State exam that allows us to purchase a gun and being informed that, when we do purchase a gun there would be a ten day waiting period, with our friend Ritchie as an advisor, Bonnie and I began the search for a pistol and, as it so happened, within days we purchased two used, different model Smith & Wesson .38 caliber pistols: hers with a five inch long barrel and mine, a larger and heavier gun with a six inch long barrel, both of which would be used for target shooting, and…  

And, if on the very outside chance that we may ever – God forbid – need a gun for personal protection, as the sign on a window that I once saw stated: “This Home Protected by Smith & Wesson.”

Now back to the reason for this, becoming, rather long-winded introduction to “Jews and Guns.”

Between the time Bonnie and I decided to purchase a gun, we had occasion to have dinner with my son and his partner, and my brother and his wife, all of whom I love and respect.

When I told them, “Bonnie and I are planning on buying a gun for target shooting,” my son, in a feigned hysterical tone said, “Dad, you’ll kill yourself!” My sister-in-law, with a highly exaggerated, almost comical shudder, said, “Guns!” Shuddering again, “Don’t mention guns!” And my brother, looking directly at me, in an accusatory tone asked, “Tell me, Mark, could you shoot someone?”

Shrugging, I said, “I don’t know, I’ve never been in that position.”

Then addressing Bonnie, in the same tone of voice, my brother asked, “Bonnie, could you shoot someone?”

“If someone broke into my home and threatened us,” Bonnie said, “bet your ass!”

Like I said, I love shiksas.

Two weeks later, some old friends of ours that had moved to Florida were in town for their granddaughter’s third birthday and we met them for coffee.

When I mentioned that we had purchased two .38 caliber guns for target practice, we got that very same reaction: With a highly exaggerated, almost comical shudder, our friend said, “Guns!” Shuddering  again, “Don’t mention guns!” she said.

Then, amazingly, the shuddering act happened again a few days later, only this time the shudderer was a man.

Now I can’t really figure the correlation except that all of these people are Jewish, highly liberally slanted Democrats.

I’m sure that I’m now looked upon as a real oddity in being a Jewish, gun toting Republican.

©April 8, 2012 / Mark M. Lichterman