1. Allow the bioparent to be the disciplinarian, or atleast have the final say. Alleviates any animosity or confusion here. Think about it, if you already discussed the rules and consequences then there will be no problem
2. Make some intentional family time i.e. eating the dinner together at the table, attending an event or planned trip together
3. Communicate with your spouse when you are having a problem with something that is going on. You may be doing this already, so I encourage you to keep it up! If your not, I encourage you to definitely start
4. Choose your battles- I've talked about this time and time again and I will CHOOSE to say it again. Is the fact that the baby mama calls your spouse a "dead beat" in front of the kids reason for you to cuss her out in front of the kids??? Be the bigger person here!
5. Pray for your own peace, pray for your spouse, pray for your children, pray for the birthparents, pray for everyone involved because everyone has been hurt to some extent in this situation. Keep the peace within! Only God can change things.