random tips on going sane in mid-life

*Address spouse problems as you and me against the
problem and employment problems as you and me against
the world.
*Make your work (may it be creative) your primary
relationship. It will never leave you, never lie to
you about yourself and never hang around after you are
done with it for good.
*As someone else wrote in an email forwarded to me:
"never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night.
*Greet all obstacles (mine was a recent $150 speeding
ticket) with "this too is a blessing". Unless they are
problems with a male lover.
In that case, consider the following: This is a
cross-cultural problem that may not be solvable. Then
resolve to go to him for affection and to women for
depth and understanding.
Never say something that could be held against you in
a court of law. (Jewish wisdom).
*Don’t use credit cards ever again.
*Don’t marry unless you have to, and even under such
circumstances, consider not marrying.
*Don’t stay together for the kids or even for the
pets. You’ll be doing them all a favor by not
subjecting them to your doubled troubles.
*Don’t sacrifice your sanity for attachment or even
love. And consider not even doing so for Need. My
neighbor, a blissfully unencumbered divorcee tells me
that the greatest gift a woman can give to herself is
to live without a man in her home. I tell her, "and I
thought it was a housekeeper!"
*Don’t rely any more than is essential (i.e. what
keeps you non-violent) on chemicals—prescription,
food, or otherwise.
Less activity is more except when it comes to keeping
a clean kitchen and bathroom and exercising and
working at hobbies.
Have more money than will get you through the next to
the last day of the month.
*Give away things you love that you don’t use as well
as things you like but that someone else adores.
Exception: your pets, spouse or kids in that order.
*Don’t bother trying to rehabilitate your partner.
Even if you succeed you will end up as bad off as he
was when you started on the project and if you do
succeed in rehabilitating him, he’ll resent you for
mothering him and consider his gains self-attained and
go looking for someone who can appreciate him more.
*Get enough sunlight. Move to a climate that has
enough if yours doesn’t. Take walks even when you’re
tired, especially if when you’re tired, you don’t rest
anyhow.
*Eat raw food.
*Stay in contact with those you love.
*Avoid contact with those you have grown allergic to,
even if they’re siblings, especially if they are
siblings!
*Never bad mouth your sibling.
*If you want to fall out of love, stop any sexual
fantasizing that involve him and think or him pigging
out, farting, or staying out all night. If that
doesn’t work consider his lies and compare his
behavior to you writing teacher’s hospitality or yoga
instructor’s beaming composure.
*Don’t mention yourself, my daughter the Bhuddist
tells me and I tell her to go to hell. I have to
admit it’s good advice—for the most part.
*Learn to make small talk a blind man who was the most
sensational lover once told me. And he was right.
Everything else got too heavy.
*Forgive everyone but more than anyone yourself.
*Forgive your father and mother. And yes even your
other relative whom you might suspect abused you but
who is dead now and thus returned to his purity.
(otherwise, he can’t move on without your forgiveness,
being sentenced to a two dimensional flatness worse
than hell; the curse of not being able to be felt by
loved ones, the flip side of his earthly numbness that
allowed him to abuse you in the first place. Well, no
one should suffer in that much constraining flatness,
living the spiritual life of, say a plate.
*Never say "no one" unless you can forgive those whose
names you’d rather not utter.
*Thoughts feed energy bundles that the Jewish mystics
refer to as angels. This being so, it follows that
one should feed the defending angels and not the
accusing ones.
*Give thanks for ten things at least twice daily.
*Don’t beat yourself up when you forget gratitude but
rather be grateful you remembered.
*Remember also that as long as you are alive, you get
another chance to remember what is important in the
,long run.
*God gave us one mouth and two ears that we may listen
twice as much as we speak. An old Jewish adage.
*Always give credit when quoting or using an idea of
someone if you can and if you’re not sure it’s
necessary then do it anyhow.
*Edit and print out all of your writing before you die
and assume that could be at any moment. Make sure
your children have copies and introduce them to your
computer version of writers market.
*Better yet, beg, borrow, or steal, but publish them
yourself.