Calculated. Conniving. Ruthless. A heartbreaking woman's man. Time- and death-defying. Is this the man-next-door?

In the "green room" (Why are these rooms always called "green? There's never a plant in sight!) at CBS' Studio's Guiding Light, TV daytime drama, I awaited Michael Zaslow, this year's Soap Opera Award winner for "Best Villain." An actor wtih an extensive television, theater, and film resume, Zaslow is best known as Roger Thorpe, whom he brought to life, then to death, and, in the last few years, back to life yet again.

Roger Thorpe. The name causes perverse shivery anticipation in long-time Guiding Light viewers. A guy people love to hate. Daytime's answer to J. R. Ewing. A hateful man viewers can't help but care about, but why should I have been uneasy? I've seen Zaslow in roles other than Thorpe and knew that a role is just a role. Nonetheless, the essence of a character and the roles an actor takes on usually have many comparable qualities , so I was nervous.

When he came in, I saw that Zaslow followed that rule, yet he was also unique. From his first word, this man wsa obviously driven by one overriding emotion--passion--despite the fact that he was uneasy, tired, and had taped since early morning. A serious leg operation, the basis for Roger Thorpe's early-on crutches in his storyline, still caused pain and fatigue. Yet though he was curt and a bit impatient, he was never rude.

He situated me on a chair, then took a daybed with an apologetic, "Because of my leg, I'll half-recline. Pretend you're psychoanalyzing me." Precisely my intent. My interest in him began years ago int he film, "You Light Up My Life." Since, he appeared in Star Trek, mini-series, "King's Crossing," ABC's One Life to Live, and countless stage productions. Parts were varied yet that tunnel-visioned intensity always carried through.

His explanation of Thorpe could be his epitath. "He's human. Part of what makes him attractive is his raging heart that beats." Black and white, right and wrong, bleed together. "I don't play villains as villainous. I find why Roger does what he does, what compels him to lash out in anger and despair. We all have those feelings, certainly anger. I think a lot of us would like to act out anger more than we're able to in society."

He gave a half-smile, then flexed his large hands. Passion is emotional rather than intellectual, and the dissection wasn't easy for him. Zaslow seemed to talk about himself only when forced.

But we weren't talking about him, were we? "Roger's desperately sincre, he wants to be loved and to love. He has a lot of love. He's trying to protect what's his, and himself. There's a lot of self-protection with characters like his. Usually it's not effective. There's a wall we throw up to protect ourselves. Maybe it doesn't serve our puproses but that's our defense mechanism. It's calculated, but not to hurt others . . . but to get the upper hand."

Zaslow unconsciously went from "him" and "he" to "we." He then explained Roger's desperate love for a daughter he never really knew until recently. Then he shifted back to reality, to his own children.

"I have two adopted daughters," he showed me photos of the beautiful Asian girls, and this time his smile was full, his eyes bright, "and I identify. I think love of one's child is the most powerful thingn in the world."

He was warming up. The fatique was still evident in his dark eyes, he continually rubbed his injured leg. Yet caution dissipated, smiles were genuine, and I no longer felt as if he saw me as an interruption. Nonetheless, he was definitely a man who didn't make friends easily. Because of his emotional wall, it seemed that people might find it hard to truly get to know him.

Passion and cauation. It was a strange, almost irresistibly intriguing combination.

Back to character likenesses and an actor's true nature. Zaslow's other soap role was of David Renaldi on One Life to Live. A mystery man hunted by humanity's darker side yet who risked all to go home because of--here's the clincher--love for his daughter. Roger Thorpe's return to Guiding Light's storyline was for the same reason.

I made the comparisions and Zaslow grinned. "The danger factor. Without danger in a character, he's a wimp."

As he talked, he continually professed love for his kids. Had he noticed the correlations between real life and his works? "True, the daughters. There's a lot of correlation." He was surprised, as if he hadn't thought of hit before. Were the likenesses due to his taking on roles to which he was drawn, or was it a lottery?

"It's me taking on the role. It's still Michael Zaslow. For all that actors say they become the character, they don't. Homework and mental development make the character separate, but it's still the actor. I think ultimately that's what compels an audience."

Now we added honesty. Passion, caution, and honesty.

It wasn't until much later, when I complimented his large, beautiful hands, that he finally loosened up, showing a lighthearted, almost funny side. He loves comedy and was surprised when I didn't see him as being a comedic actor. He talked of growing up in California as an only child--high school, UCLA. He finally made New York his home.

Roger Thorpe is calculating, Michael is intentional. Roger is conniving, Michael is an intrigue. Roger is ruthless, Michael is determined. Forever a heartbreaking woman's man? That was my vote, based on his depth and complexities, his dark skin and eyes, the salk-and-pepper hair, and his slender though commanding physical presence. And those hands!

But time and death-defying? Never. No. Michael Zaslow is very much human. He is, as he so aptly described Roger Thorpe, "a raging heart that beats."