It is true the power of love can transform the most insufferable into the most charming. In popular childhood fables there are many examples of this. For instance, when Beauty kissed the Beast with love, he turned into a handsome prince. How many of us have kissed a few frogs? We grew up with high expectations didn’t we? But don’t we all appear friendlier, healthier, more handsome and more energized when we’re in love? Leo Busgalia, the author of one of my favorite books titled “Love,” says that “Never underestimate the presence of a significant person at any moment. The unexpected smile, a touch, a word, a question can provide the tipping point to make a huge difference in a person’s life when needed.”
Some say love makes the world go around. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it’s what you are expected to give. There are many ways we go about finding love, including keeping your eyes and ears open to new beginnings. Love begets love. There are many more ways of pushing love away. There is the “I don’t care!” kind of attitude that isn’t welcoming to a new lover. Additionally, those who act like “one of the boys or girls,” thinking proximity will bear the fruit of love, can be sadly disappointed. Personally I think women invented fire to cook and keep the family warm; but men invented the wheel to get away from us and go out with the boys. They need their space. And then, there are those who say we don’t mind being alone, but in fact loneliness is pouring from every pore of our body.
I’d like to mention our own Tina Tessina here at Authorsden. I never tire of reading her wonderful advice on love and romance. As a matter of fact, I added her “Dr.Romanceblog” to my own website. Come visit us! With a Ph.D., eight books and 30 years counseling under her belt, she has a lot to say about life and love and she does in such a plain uncomplicated way. She agrees with me love isn’t easy, but “Love has a much better chance to be realized if you make some of your choices mentally, as well as by emotional attachment and chemistry. Choose commitments both with the "parent" or judgmental, evaluating, critical thinking method; and the "child" or romantic, turned on, chemistry method. I call this choosing from the neck up, as well as from the neck down. You’ll use better judgment if you think of matchmaking for yourself…
The Mirriam _Webster Online Dictionary defines judgment as the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing. Take time out from your excitement and evaluate your match, using the components of judgment: think, observe, evaluate, ask, remember, experiment, speculate and empathize. Make sure you’re thinking and not just feeling – don’t let your emotions overrule your careful consideration of whether this is working…”
Who of us hasn't wasted our time chasing an unattainable fantasy? We humans have infinite capacity for self-deception. Personally, I think as we get older we begin experiencing love rather than looking for love. We start paying more attention to our own intuitive skills and let God have his Way. When you make an effort to feel compassion instead of blame or self-blame, the heart opens to love like a flower to a honey bee. We all were designed to recognize love when we see it; however, love is always in the giver not the gift. Even Mother Teresa once said, “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” We all love our bread!
Sometimes the beauty of our natural flowering overrides our good sense, especially when we let love become merely an after-thought to sex. There is a wide, wide dangerous bridge between love and passion; crossing it before you’re committed to each other can be a painful experience. I’ve heard it said that each of us are angels with only one wing; therefore, we can only fly by embracing one another. Who among us doesn’t want to fly when we're in love?
A Swedish Proverb says “Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, love more, and all good things will be yours.” Personally, I think the most amazing science in heaven and on earth is a couple melding into one without consciously deciding to do so which is how love happened for me. It was a surprise, and unplanned. My husband and I came together out of need. We became more than a marriage of convenience. We completed each other. Love is just that simple when ordained by God. If you just can’t make a relationship work, maybe, it was not meant to be.
I’d stay clear of people who are sensible about love. They are incapable of understanding it like my mom and pops. Both were orphans from the war and didn't know how to show and teach me love. They taught me to think I could manipulate love. Tit-for-Tat kind of love. I spent many years unlearning what I had been taught. Using love as a temporary fix leaves us empty, remorseful and lonelier and like they say, experience is the best teacher.
Sculpting the heart with love merely means caring for oneself and others. True loves does not come by finding the perfect person. We wield our pride and ego; and a magic wand and become the perfect companion for another. Love is kind’a like pi, natural, irrational and necessary for the human spirit to grow in joy. Sir Hugh Walpoe says, “The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident.”
We humans need to love and be loved but if you haven’t found your love yet, get you a loving pet. The St. Louis Humane Society is packed with loving animals right now. Our cats and dogs keep us warm along with their companionship, constant cuddling and unconditional love. They have their own language. I love the Yorkies. I got two myself. It is always a good idea, to get a watch dog or communal cat when you're lonely or afraid of living by yourself. The world is a dangerous place right now. They alert us to anyone walking in our direction. They perform a great service. They give us our peace of mind. They also will watch you all the time and make you feel like the most wonderful human just by walking through the door at home. As a matter of fact, medical studies show that married people and pet owners have a lot in common. They live longer and healthier lives! No kidding. So keep in mind besides getting exercise, vitamins or meditating, the real secret to staying young is - - having both pets and love in your lives. As I’ve myself come to learn and appreciate, "The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence." says Dr Albert Ellis.
