Don't we all know someone who is a liar? He or she is intrusive, wary, secretive and combative when doubted? Whether we know it or not we're emotionally and mentally bruised and vulnerable from the scheming of others. It is not hard to understand why Americans never get enough peaceful rest with our heads pouring salt all night long into open wounds. I think perhaps most of us are suffering from an identity crisis because of others. We have made a habit of of letting stronger personalities walk all over us. And while it is not uncommon for people to lie, it is not difficult to accept that all of us at some point practice to deceive. "The reason why the world lacks unity, and lies broken and in heaps, is, because man is disunited with himself." says Ralph Waldo Emerson. I think this is truly a wise statement; and maybe, the most serious of all lies is when we lie to ourselves.
Psychologist, Alan Hilfer reminds us that, "We all tend to lie to our children on a regular basis. How about Santa Claus and The Tooth Fairy? In fact, we are taught to tell white lies when our parents coax us to spare the feelings of others with a white lie. For instance, haven't we all heard, "Tell grandma how much you love the new sweater she knitted for you!" According to Professor Victoria Talwar at McGill University, not only are junior's white lies OK, but they're actually a developmental milestone that all children need to achieve. Such "pro-social" lying shows that kids have developed sympathy and empathy, which are important aspects of social communication. Her revealing hidden-camera tests with children show that fibbing is part of normal brain development; however, the Bible, by which most of us set our morality compass, tells us that even from the womb we speak lies. Is the current political trend of "mispeaking" something less than lying? Is bluffing OK? At what point do white lies begin to stain yellow. Can lying ever be a responsible thing to do? Do we need to go cold turkey on white lies?
Nothing impresses me more than a healthy loving relationship. Most of us don't like the idea that that love and betrayal go hand-in-hand. Few of us want to believe we are being lied to about matters of the heart. Sadly or not, even in matters of the heart, we find it difficult to trust. Oscar Wilde says "The truth is rarely pure and never simple." Research indicates the most serious and consequential lies are told to those we love. Judge Judy says, "If it don't make sense, it is probably not true ." Do you know how to tell when someone is lying to you? Each of us has a unique body language when we're not telling the truth. These little lies often turn into big headaches for me because I have such a poor memory. After 20 years I can usually tell when my husband is lying, he cannot make direct eye contact. When his arms are crossed over his chest and he's fidgeting, touching his face, it usually means a white lie is forthcoming. Authorities believe that constantly swallowing and clearing our throat is a sign of needing time to think up lies. How many do this?
Years into a war fought to eliminate a nonexistent threat, we all have renewed appreciation for the power of the Big Lie. People tend to believe false claims about political issues. There is a lot of power in the small accusation invented out of thin air, followed by another, and another, and another, snowballing into Big believable lies about our government or its politics. Many accusations plagued President Bush at the end of his presidency. Basically from 911, the inception of the war in Iraq and the lack of response in New Orleans left Bush's presidency in deep water. Most of us hoped an American president would not grossly mislead us on matters of national security yet we all wonder if this is what really happened anyway?
The Clinton years were a parade of falsehoods and scandals: We all have heard "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!" Then there was Whitewater, Troopergate, Travelgate, Filegate, and Christmas-card-gate. Even at the end, there were false claims that Clinton staff members trashed the White House on their way out. Each scandal got headlines, air time and media coverage that took many believers. The effect was to make an administration that was, in fact, pretty honest and well run, look pretty ugly. How often are pitted against each other by a lie? What about Burris? How much are we to believe? We never get the whole story or we get too many falsehoods. Why can't the Republicans and Democrats build each other up instead of tearing each other down with lies and innuendos? The Little Lie technique is a symptom of political weakness, of a party reduced to trivial smears. But the technique remains effective - and the U.S. political scene will remain ugly and weak - as long as we Americans remain greedy to swap dirt instead of the truth. The ancient philosophers thought virtue was nothing but conformity to reason, taste and/or sentiment. It takes a lot of work and time to rebuild trust in those with too little virtue.
Everyone values their sense of freedom of speech. When we take a close look at the nature of love and romance, one thing becomes clear; we all are guilty of little white lies. Our lies create happiness and heartache, opportunities and constraints, joy and sorrow. Detecting deception is never as easy as we think. We want to believe. We were created this way. For the most part, the strategy of assuming the someone is truthful works fairly well until the day comes when it does not. Coming to terms with deception reduces stress, anxiety, and uncertainty. Since we all house a mind that has unlimited access to truth; rarely if ever, is our brain or mind used to full capacity to stretch the truth. I agree with Winston Churchill who says, "There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true ."
