When we are first born, if we are lucky, every time we have a fear or a desire, all we need to do is cry out, and it is taken care of. But sometimes, whoever is taking care of us, is busy. Or sleeping. Or in the middle of something pressing.

Sometimes when we cry out, our needs are not immediately met, and even worse, sometimes we feel punished or chastised for calling attention to ourselves.

So we all grow up with a conflicting sense of what happens when we express our desires. On the one hand, we all want our needs fulfilled. On the other hand, sometimes expressing that causes us too much anxiety to do so.

Is it any wonder that public speaking is the biggest fear, even above death, in America today?

When you can interact socially with a person and allow them to feel safe in expressing things that are important to them, you will be seen as a powerful and charismatic person. When you show them you are really interested in their opinion and their beliefs, they will respect and admire them.

And when you can get them talking about what's important to them in a relationship, you've won the golden ticket.

Most people never explore in detail what's important to them in a relationship. When someone skillfully elicits these things conversationally, three powerful things will happen.

One is that she won't feel as though you are overtly hitting on her. If you are talking about past and future relationships, she won't feel pressure to defend herself against any corny pick up lines

Second is that she will start to feel really good, positive emotional feelings. When you ask her what were some of the positive things about her past relationships, and what are some the positive things she hopes for her future relationships, she will be imagining all kinds of good stuff, which will naturally put her in a good, receptive mood. Many studies of social behavior have clearly shown that when people are in a positive emotional state, they are much more open to persuasive suggestions.

The third, and best thing that will happen is she will start to associate all of these good emotional feelings with you. Because you aren't overtly hitting on her, or bragging about your past accomplishments, like most guys do, you are effectively coming in under her radar. Which will make the connection, in her mind, of her positive emotional feelings, and you, all the more powerful.

Of course, many people use these powerful skills for short term, selfish pleasure, which can sometimes have terrible results. If you believe in karma, misusing these skills is one of the quickest ways to get enough negative karma to last several lifetimes.

Ideally, the best time to use these skills is when you are seriously trying to establish a solid relationship with somebody, and are exploring to see if you are compatible. Just because these techniques are easy to use, and can have her sexually and emotionally attracted to you in a very short amount of time is no reason to use them without concern for the outcome.

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