Sodium Pentothal (truth serum)

Hello readers. The fact checkers stopped counting Donald Trump's lies when he passed 30,000. It’s hard to blame them for stopping. Anyone who doesn’t understand that 30,000 lies is probably the largest number of lies ever told by one person in human history. Even more startling, however, is the fact that Trump won two elections despite his lying lips. What if your local bank president was known to have told just 2,000 lies. Aside from the observation that he would be out of a job, would you open an account with him and trust him with your money? Now, what do those common sense tidbits tell you about the gullibility of the American voter? But that is a different issue. Let’s get to the bottom of this issue of “liar, lair, pants on fire” with a bit of 3rd grade logic.

Moderator: Hello, President Trump. I have just a few questions sent to me from concerned citizens who want to better understand a few of your actions. Here’s the first one: Now that you have filled the important branches of government with unqualified persons, Elon Musk, the world’s richest person, has been busy digging into our national data banks looking for jobs to be eliminated. Is there a connection between those two issues?

Trump: It’s in the arithmetic. $75,000 of income X 1 million workers = $750 billion saved in waste, fraud, and abuse. It’s also the exact amount of money that can be transferred to the ultra-wealthy just by putting 1 million government workers out of work. Hot damn! What a genius! We all know that the ultra-wealthy don’t create jobs. Hell’s bells, Elon might even hire 6 or 8 of them to put out the fires in the parking lots at one of his factories so he can collect on his insurance policies. Why can’t all the rest of us think like this genius who got past the border patrol to save us all from ourselves?

Moderator: The only problem with Elon’s actions is that he uses every hair-brained scheme in the book as a way to take earnings from productive Americans and give it to the unproductive—and to hell with the consequences. What say you?

Trump: Bring on the tariffs! Donald knows best. We can create billions and billions in new profits just by tacking on a tariff from items shipped to America from Canada, Mexico, China, and Europe. We can probably net $4 or $5 trillion from those countries alone. Those foreigners do not have brains that work at the genius level like mine and Elon’s.

Moderator: But US tariffs are paid by US customers, not by the exporting country. That is the kind of thinking that what we would expect from a moron, not by a US president. Do you want to think about it?

Trump: My legal and economic experts all say our system needs to be fixed. I’m above all the small issues. I’m a genius. Just watch me stop all that waste, fraud, and abuse by the Veterans Administration, by Medicare and Medicaid, and by Social Security retards. When I’m finished with them, they will all have to go out and find an honest way to bring home the bacon. It’s all in the cards, and I have lots of cards.”

Moderator: What about the laws of limited resources and optimality? It says you can’t take from group A and give to group B without creating a vacuum of lost needs in group A?

Trump: Who cares? The objective is to shift more and more wealth to my friends and campaign sponsors. Only a weakling thinks about others who don’t matter.

Moderator: What about annexing Canada and Greenland as part of the US?

Trump: That was only intended as a diversion. It helps to draw attention away from the subject at hand before you pick your suckers’ pockets clean.

Moderator: And what about withdrawing from the Paris Accords? Pollution is a major issue, and millions of people are affected by health issues from pollutants in the air.

Trump: My contributors want me to keep drilling until our oil is all gone. Drill, baby, drill says it all. A little pollution is the price of progress.

Moderator: Putin made a lot of demands as a condition for his sitting down at the negotiating table. You have virtually given away the store to him before the talks start. Where is the “art of the deal” in making a long list of concessions before the talks begin?

Trump: Well, the art of the deal is to give away somebody else’s money or freedom, not your own.

Moderator: What about getting Zelensky to agree to give up one-half his country’s mineral rights as a condition to ending the war with Russia?

Trump: That was a master stroke, wouldn’t you say? It’s time for this country to stop helping others unless they pay—big time.

Moderator: There are two vital needs that everyone has. They are health care and education. Both are essential to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Yet you are trying to dismantle or cripple government programs designed to help those who need help in these two areas. Why?

Trump: Those programs were put in place by Democrats. We don’t need them.

Moderator: Here is my final question. You escaped military service in Vietnam by asserting you had bone spurs in one of your feet. Yet you seem to stand and walk around normally. Were your doctors lying so you could avoid military service?

Trump: Military service is for suckers and losers.