When military life ends and civilian life begins your going to experience many changes in your life. Some of them you will be able to handle and some of them will definitely cause obstacles in your life. However, with determination, strength, and hard work you will be able to succeed and overcome any obstacle that gets in your way.
Now not all your obstacles are going to be work related. Re-entering family life and continuing married life where you left off can be just as challenging as beginning a career in the working world as a civilian.
Here are some helpful tips and pointers to help you maintain a healthily, happy, and productive life with your spouse and family after you finished military and begin life home in the civilian world with your family.
- Re-enter slowly. Do not disturb a family routine that has been working without you. Expect changes in both your spouse and in your children. Do not forget you have changed along with your family and spouse! Adapt accordingly, remembering that most of the changes mean growth and maturity. If some of the changes are negative, be patient, you and your family will have plenty of time to bring things back around to a position of comfort.
- Spend as much time as you can with your family. If possible, try to put off reunions with relatives and friends until family routines have been established at home.
- Do not try to alter the current financial management responsibilities. Chances are your spouse has been handling them fine. Take it easy on the kids, especially where discipline is concerned. Remember that they are probably adapted to a certain way of life that your spouse has created for them. Change is hard and takes time, so be patient.
- Do not overwhelm your spouse in the bedroom. Expect that sex may be awkward between you and your spouse at first. Talk it over. Take it slow.
- Avoid making big, permanent decisions immediately. Always talk things over with your spouse and if you are not agreeing on things try to work with her by giving in a little. You are not in the military anymore. There is no need to be stern and demanding.
- Communication is the key.
Things Spouses Should Remember
- Expect changes; both of you have experienced a great deal. Remember your spouse has been living life a certain way for a while now while you were away serving in the military. Leave some room for spontaneity. Not everything has to be planned to a tee. Your spouse has created a certain lifestyle that worked for them and the kids, so realize that not everything has to be planned. Many things are not planned to a tee in the civilian world unless you are OCD or a perfectionist!
- Drive for a while. It may have been some time since he or she has driven.
- Develop a plan for financial benefits. The redeployed spouse may believe that additional income gained from the deployment is his or hers, while you may have made plans for the money or spent it in his or her absence. Develop a mutual plan or at least discuss expectations.
- Expect your redeployed spouse to be surprised or hurt that you have coped so well alone. You can reassure your spouse that he or she is loved and needed without giving up your own independence.
- Avoid making big, permanent decisions immediately.
All family members must realize that people change. We notice these changes more after a long absence. Expect some anger and insecurity along with love and happiness. These feelings need to be expressed. If there is no communication, then the relation will fail. Communication is the key to a successful relationship.
Expect spouses to be different. If he or she is not different, fine. If he or she has changed, you are prepared. This goes for BOTH of you.
Expect your spouse to be a little hurt that you have managed so well without him or her. Your spouse will need reassurance that you still need him or her. Expect your spouse to want to be pampered by you. Expect that it will be about 6 weeks to adjust to each other again. If you are not getting along well at the end of 6 weeks, counseling might help.
Expect your spouse to have trouble sleeping for a while. He or she is accustomed to a different lifestyle (and possibly time zone); it may take a week or two to adjust. Do not grill your spouse about personal problems if they arise. Give him or her time to readjust. Swallow your curiosity. This goes for BOTH of you.
Take time to communicate and get to know each other all over again. Many changes can occur in a short period, so take time to talk and be with your family!
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