A day in the life of an unknown author trying to get a press release on her own.

Well, I woke up this morning feeling confidant and full of vim and vigor. I am not a shy, tongue in cheek individual.  Actually I can be aggressive and sometimes rather outspoken when I know of which I speak....so to speak.  I chose to write a fable with a purpose.  I believe wholeheartedly in why I wrote it, how I wrote it and what it will accomplish. I specifically designed the story for this reason. I never claimed it to be a literary masterpiece, nor did I profess to be the best story teller in the business, although I can come up with a slew of ideas in a small time frame.  But that's another story, no pun intended.  I am not going to beat around the bush, I am venting so here goes.
I pulled from my files a list of newspapers up and down the East Coast; targeting  the coastal areas first.  Because my fable, Olivia's Magic Conch deals with the ongoing problem of trash left behind on the beaches endangering birds and sealife, I am trying to inform tweens about this horror so they can help save some endangered species.  It's my goal to teach them through an entertaining, informative adventure, without making it another lecture; thereby unleashing the dismay of their raging hormones. These kids are on pressure overload already.
Okay, sorry I drifted a little in the riptide of my mission. Anyway, I called the first paper and the receptionist was quite nice and gave me the contact's name and number. I called 20 papers in all and was now ready to pitch my book. Feeling proud of my accomplishment, I decided to take a well deserved break.  After a  cup of coffee, I was ready to send out my press release along with a synopsis and a bio. Little did I know I was about to be shot down. To  my chagrin, one by one I was told almost verbatim, that  since I was unknown and untraditionally published, there could be no press release for my book. When questioning each one in depth, I was told the same tale of woe repeatedly as if from a script. " If we read all the emails and snail mail that comes in with the same request from unknowns it would take a month of Sundays.  We go with the sure thing,either a published author or a person with celebrity.  Sorry."
Well after the fourth call, with sixteen to go I repied,"So because they have celebrity their books are always going to be on the best seller list?  I don't think so, I have seen more than a few on the clearance table."  By the tenth decline, I changed my verbage to." It's amazing a serial killer in jail for life can write a book and get instant press, but no one wants to give an unknown who has financed her own book from day one a chance to spread the word of the importance of clean oceans and beaches, in an adventure fable set in present day. Absolutely amazing."  Now it was time for a break and I can tell you this, it wasn't coffee.  Stay tuned because I do not give up on anything or anyone I believe in, least of all myself. 
P.S.  I'll tackle the next few tomorrow and will shift to the West Coast  after that.  I'm on a mission!  Any and all help will be greatly appreciated.