I recently asked my facebook friends for a topic to write about. One of the suggestions was, "What is true love?" That's the one I chose to write about. The thoughts and beliefs herein are my personal opinions…love them or hate them.

Right. True. Free. Real and Unconditional. That sums up what I think true love is and although one person can feel love for another, I believe that in order for true love to exist, both people need to feel the same way or a very similar way for each other; unrequited love is not true love.

Right. More thought goes into buying a home than who we get into a relationship with. Maybe it's just human nature to act on the physical or to just go with a feeling without much thought about anything else. We don't stop to consider that we are getting ourselves involved in a lifetime of whatever that person's about, good or evil. What are their life goals? What are their coping mechanisms? Do they drink too much? How do they line up with us, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually? By "right" I mean, a relationship with that person should at least start out looking like a good match. We can't control what people do down the road but if it starts with different pages all over the place, it's probably not gonna get better after the wedding.

True. There are many folks in relationships that don't want to be in them but they are too cowardly to be honest about how they really feel or they are not honest in the beginning because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings and so just go along with the other person being the engine of the relationship. We need to first be true to ourselves in our own feelings about the romantic relationships we get involved in. It is physically detrimental to "fake it" and it will eventually catch up to our health and given enough time, the truth about anything is always revealed. Furthermore, if someone tells us that they don't want to be in a relationship, we should believe them. We should not try to force it or "make" it work. It is my opinion that true love isn't that hard and can never be forced.

Free.  What are the expectations? Albeit subconsciously, most people get involved with someone because they meet an expectation; their love is not free, it's according to if that person meets their expectations. In a healthy relationship there should be some sort of accountability and expectations however, the expectations should be few, spoken and known by both parties. If someone yanks their love because an expectation has not been met, they have not only set the other person up for failure, which in itself is not love, but furthermore their love is not free. We, as a society, are bogged down with expectations. True love should not feel like a check off list. On the other hand, sometimes people are TOO free with their love…if a person goes from relationship to relationship, chances are they need someone…anyone…and don't really care who it is; it could be anyone and that will eventually flesh itself out as a bad decision.

Real.  We all want to fall in love with someone who makes us catch our breath when we look at them but there has to be more than that considering there is a gorgeous face or a better body around every corner. How does that person appeal to us from an intellectual standpoint? Emotionally? Spiritually? Are we attracted to them on all levels, physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually or are we willing to settle for 2 out of 4? Are we turned off by a part of them but overcome by their beauty or the emotional connection which causes us to ignore everything else including the red flags? Do we give enough time to getting to know them so that we know without a doubt they are real and the way we feel about them is real and the way they feel about us is real? Most folks don't.

Unconditional.  Let me just say for the record, I don't think anyone should stay in an abusive relationship. With that said, unconditional love gives grace, mercy, and forgiveness in abundance and it doesn't always "feel" good.  Is our love contingent upon the person maintaining their financial status? The fancy house? The big SUV's? A successful career? Good health? Would you be happy with that person in a small cabin with very little if everything else was lost? What conditions are placed upon us in order for love to continue? We can't possibly explore all possibilities before they happen but we better make sure that someone loves us for us and not what we give them. The more complete we are as individuals the more apt we are to be able to function well in a healthy romantic relationship capable of unconditional love. Fragile people aren't too good at love never mind unconditional love.

I believe that these characteristics: right, true , free, real and unconditional, must be present on both sides and at a similar level for each party in order for love to be true and last and I think that that is nearly impossible to find, especially in our society where people have been programmed to think everything is about sex, that there are many choices, and self worth comes from unreliable sources. People are pretty screwed up.  There are many folks who haven't even matured past high school mentality and there's no way they will be able to function in a healthy way in a romantic relationship. Many of these people will maintain unhealthy relationships for years.

Even if all of these things are present, there are still no guarantees in love…it's risky. In fact, if love was a financial investment, advisors would suggest not investing anything in it. However, we all have the innate desire to want to love and be loved, ergo we continue to try. I believe that true love never dies. If it does, I don't think it was true love. It might have been some form of love on one side or the other however good or bad, but it wasn't true love and more than likely should have never been entertained in the first place.

Considering all that, for me personally, I have been loved and I have loved but I have not experienced true love yet.