Describes ways in which an abuser keeps a victim "in her place".

"The abuser can try to persuade you that: (1) you have unreasonable expectations for his behavior, and you should be willing to live with the things he does; (2) you are actually reacting to something else in your life, not to what he did; and (3) you are using your grievances as a power move against him. All of these tactics are forms of discrediting your complaints of mistreatment which is abusive. His discrediting maneuvers reveal a core attitude, which he never explicitly states and may not even be aware of consciously himself: "You have no right to object to how I treat you." And you can't be in a fair and healthy relationship if you can't raise grievances."-Lundy Bancroft, "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" My ex told his counselors at a batterer's intervention group meeting, that I had "complained that he hurt me". He felt that my complaints were nonsense but, IT DIDN'T MATTER WHAT HE THOUGHT OF MY COMPLAINTS! The truth is, if someone feels and tells you that you are hurting them, or scaring them, or intimidating them, you MIGHT BE. YOU SHOULD STOP WHATEVER THEY SAY YOU ARE DOING IMMEDIATELY,(ASK if you are clueless). That is what a non-abusive person does. The abuser ignores and continues doing whatever it is he wants, regardless of who it might be hurting. Just recently, my ex sent me a text that stated that he was not trying to hurt or scare my kids and I. Regardless of whether or not he is TRYING to, he is, and he needs to find out why we feel that way, and STOP. It is obvious to me that he does not care about us, or he would do just that. It has been over a year since I took my kids and left, to end the hurting and scaring, the only way I knew how to, by getting us away from the person who was hurting and scaring us. Unfortunately, his very recent text shows me that he still does not get it. He has not changed a bit, maybe he never will,(though I hope he does for our kids' sake at least). He is still abusive, the world still revolves around him; his wants, needs, and rights. He does not care who he hurts to get what he wants! :/ How very, very sad for our children! I pray daily for his heart to change and for him to realize the hurt he has caused and continues to cause.