I have started making a website for the 65-85+ years of this world. The language is English. This is a generation that holds knowledge, wisdom, experience and capabilities and a fund of valuable memories. I hope this will become a website that is a forum for elderly views and written discussion. I think it is time to not only include this age group on the web, but to mobilise this silent force. The web address is www.elderlysurfers.com

There are many of our age around the world, and I ‘fit that bill’. I am 76 years, a wife, mother, grandmother, and retired doctor/psychiatrist. I think that our generation has still a lot to offer en masse. We have a voice that, if not exactly loud, should whisper into the ears of modernity and be heard. We should speak up on behalf of the future of our grandchildren and their children, before the time is too late to reverse the damage that is gradually and subtly being done.

One trend leads to another, and many of these are taking the future along a path to the detriment of not only their own lives and happiness, but that of others. I am not being melodramatic – I read about the increase in alcohol, drug taking, and free sex, particularly in teenagers and I notice the statistics regarding obesity. I see the mobile phones stuck onto the ears or fingers of teenagers, standing in groups, obsessed with virtual communication and missing out on real time talk. Yet these virtual communications can hide serpents’ tongues waiting for the vulnerable to succumb and draining the confidences from day to day reality. Size and image become paramount, more important than health or values such as kindness and endeavour.

For me, as a psychiatrist with experience, the most upsetting trend of all at present is the use of nurseries, sometimes all day, for the tiny babies of so many women. At the very beginning of their lives, these babies have to ‘cope’ alone with many hours of each day without their mother or father close to them. Teenagers have some choice, although they may not realise it, they can successfully ‘go against the flow’ and stand up for what they believe is right. But infants have no choice. I accept that for some it may be the best option, but these are not the majority. How can anyone think that is right for healthy emotional growth to be in an unknown place, isolated from home, and not recognising anyone for any time, let alone all day, most days? Babies as young as 4 weeks are accepted into nurseries. Yet it is becoming the ‘norm’ and encouraged by successive governments, under the cover of profit and gain.

I have written several articles about this issue– see the website: www.dracoatesworth.co.uk The cost of childcare is a big issue! Instead of making laws re reemployment/return to career paths for women until the child is at least 2-3 years of age, they are encouraging this trend. No child should be in nursery all day – whatever age, and none should be there before about two and a half years of age, unless accompanied by their mother or father. Hours at school should not be extended to allow children to be in the premises from before breakfast to early evening. It is, in my opinion, cruel and excessively ‘alerting’ and tiring for the child. No wonder educational standards are falling. A child who is happy, relaxed, enthusiastic and interested will learn. A child who is tired, over-alerted and unhappy will not.

The men and women of 65-85+years grew up in a very different world - before, during and after World War 2. The men over 75yrs born in the UK had to serve two years of compulsory National service when they were 18 yrs. No nights out with their friends getting drunk. No sitting on terraces watching their favourite football team in a haze of alcohol and emotion. No, this was a testing time of enforced maturity – often beyond their years, as many faced conflict for which they were not adequately trained. During those years they ‘grew up’, and, for most, the conditions, the experience of difficult conditions and for some, the loss of colleagues enforced them to learn what was really important in life. They returned, different. They relished a future life of love in their own family and work. Woe be tide we need national service again, but, whatever, many of the modern generation are not learning this lesson.

What was life like for many 65-85+ years age group in their youth?

In our youth, women did not frequent pubs, alcohol was only available in licenced shops during opening hours, there was no noticeable drug culture, and sexual activities were very limited in the teenage years. There was little knowledge or availability of birth control and the contraceptive pill was not available until the 1960s. The mothers stayed at home to care for their children until at least they went to school. It was not only expected but what they wanted to do. There were few toys or books after the war, but we learned to use imagination, do practical things and played games, indoors or outdoors, without pressure. Our enthusiasm for learning was not ‘killed off’ by the intense pressure that is put on today’s children. Some mothers continued to work, of course, but made individual alternative caring provisions.

Nurseries for 3-4 year olds started round about 1960, to give children more social interaction before having to attend main school at 5 years. Never were nurseries envisaged as a cop out or a way of reneging on the nurturing and caring role that children need at least one parent to provide. Parents geared their lives around children, not children around the parents. It was usually the mothers who stayed at home during those years, and for me, personally, those few years without academic based work were the most fulfilled and satisfying years of my life.

Women’s libbers had not yet been vocal, but despite the pros, I don’t think that anyone thought or intended that the pendulum would swing off the scale in the opposite direction.

The majority of the older members of our age group in UK had few possessions. During and after the war, there were none to be bought. Food and clothes were rationed. Garments were altered or handed down. They coped with infections without antibiotics, lived with the results of polio and often with much grief, without any specialised help. People had few clothes. Personal cars were limited. Children safely travelled by bus or train to school, cycled or walked. The village I lived in had no electricity until the early 1950s. There was little obesity as food was scarce, no surplus to waste, and no junk or readymade foods were available. No mobile phones to carry around, and few toys. Skills were learned in crafts, and there were no digital screens or games to deaden the imagination or social media to encourage a ‘virtual’ way of life. Council houses were provided with gardens for cultivation and few were wasted. Children played outside together, without constant school pressure and with no obsession with their digital games or TV. Teenagers had no spurious friends or virtual social life through Facebook, nor did children or teenagers face dangers over the internet or cyberbullying as they didn’t exist.

Now, I like the modern facilitiesand I know that many teenagers and young people maintain their integrity and health. No way on this earth would I wish the ‘old world’ to return. It was hard and often very painful, both physically and emotionally.

Now it can be different. But the knowledge of coping with difficulties lives in the memory store and is a hidden strength. What little anyone had they appreciated but only a few asked for more at the expense of others. If they wanted something, they worked for it. I think of the miners lives. I saw them daily in my village, black faces trudging home in their clogs, pale and tired. My father in law’s adult life was lived in the dark, damp underground tunnels. He died before he could enjoy a retirement. Did he complain? Never. He was a very humorous man. But, he did not want the same life for his son.

But even in the hardships or maybe because of the hardships, which the modern generation has no awareness of, relationships were valued. Life in the country was rebuilt after the war by endeavour, hard work, awareness of others, and a sense of pride. Of course crimes were committed, child abuse happened but was hidden and unknown, and men drank heavily. But teenagers didn’t drink or take drugs and most children were cared for in their earliest years by their mothers. Their foundations were secure against the trials and storms of adult life. Some had terrible young lives of poverty, but many climbed out through endeavour and sheer guts.

It is time for grandparents and great grandparents to be more vocal. To help their grandchildren or even great grandchildren to realise that modern life trends are not necessarily the best or the ones to lead to fulfilment and happiness – something we all want for those we love. They need to encourage them to ‘go against the flow’ if necessary, to value their health and respect themselves and others, not stay silent, join because of fear, or simply accept.

I do not keep silent about the values I believe in nor can I deny my knowledge gained from many years of psychiatric work. But when I hear such suggestions from politicians that ‘old people should put on an extra jumper to keep warm when they cannot afford heating’, I can feel my blood start to boil. We grew up without any central heating. We knew what cold was like! Ordinary people did not know of that concept, let alone enjoy it. We do not need to be told ‘what’ or ‘how’ to do anything, other than how to keep up with the latest trends –e.g. how to use computers and iPads. We do not want to be disregarded as if we are ‘beyond noticing or listening to’ unless we need full time care. It is time to show that we are not. We have to accept increased physical difficulties even if we are mentally intact.

We have the history and values that are needed today. We would like a few concessions – e.g. our doctors to acknowledge our fraility as/when instead of thinking we are ‘difficult’ or ‘uncooperative’, and recognise the difficulties of attending at surgeries when ill and old. It seems that only the supermarkets are helping the older people by their home delivery service – unintentional outcome, but there all the same!

While I hope others will freely browse the website, www.elderlysurfers.com only the age group 65-85+ years can contribute. But that is their choice and time will tell now many will ‘accept’ to do so. To put views on the Internet, for anyone to see, is a new concept for this age group, and is daunting to many.

Our daughter once said to me ‘Mum, you never tell us what to do. You give us alternatives.’ And, I never moan, as life can be bad enough without adding to it! If I can write for anyone to read, to digest or ignore, then so can others of this age.

Believe me, this age group has a lot to offer the present day and, though the future will not be ours long term, I think we still have a ‘duty of care’ and I feel that we can renege at their peril. We have to try to bring back the brain as the dominant guiding force in life. The stomach and genitals appear to have taken over that role, and they lead purely to hedonism rather than a fulfilling life encompassing all facets of the human experience.

The website is a ‘work in progress’. If you are over 65years, feel free to contribute. Contributions can be sent by email via the links on the website.

Audrey Coatesworth