"What is ends-meat?" my son asked.

"Huh?" I responded sagely. 

"You know, ends-meat.  Everybody talks about making it.  Is it that awful hamburger stuff you make when we don't have much grocery money?"

I laughed and laughed.  We were always trying to make ends meet.

Sometimes it had a lot to do with all the hamburger our family consumed.  We also saw some days in our ministry when our family roomed in the church because a renting landlord had sold our rental home, and the church didn't know they should help us find shelter.  Other occasions saw that our church people thought they should help provide our kids with clothes, and they did that by bringing sacks full of their own kids out-grown clothing.  We were glad to get them.

 I worked full time at many odd jobs while my husband with the masters degree worked his hide off pastoring small congregations.  We didn't know we were poor.  Didn't feel the pinch of it...only occasionally felt a little ashamed because our congregation was better dressed and coiffed than us, and then we were ashamed for them.  They didn't know it was their job to pay my husband better. 

From my family, I had learned that the clothing on our backs had little to do wealth.  I could do without new things.  What we needed were good times together, and we pinched our pennies so that we could travel during the summer, go to the beach and to see far-flung family.  We could always stay at Louis' beach cabin for free, and you didn't have to eat out anywhere if you took a cooler full of canned drinks and some sandwiches. 
 
 I remember one time when I was supposed to take a sick friend a jello salad.   I panicked, because the jello didn't set up right for awhile, and I didn't have another fourteen cents to buy another pack of jello.  All these years later, I know that the class expected me to conjure up a fancy jello salad, but we simply couldn't afford cool whip and fruit for embellishment. But the simple jello gelled, and I remembered all my mom's saying that there was no shame to being without as long as you did the best you could.  

Now we have more money.  This year, we will take a vacation.  But then we always have, somehow.  Remarkably, this year I have purchased 4 new dresses.  I remember a ten-year span where I only bought one, and that was for a family wedding.  I bought the cheapest, uncomfortable thing that looked decorous for the family. 

In all those times, however, I don't remember the feeling of deprivation.  I recall feelings of richness.  Every time we were really scared about a dentist bill or needing new tires, God blessed us.  One tight fall, there was a bumper apple crop all over Pennsylvania.  Friends and strangers gave us apples, and we helped make some delicious apple butter.  Mom and Dad showed us how to make apple sauce with a squeezo. 

I feel badly for the young girls at school who wear dirty, stained uniforms while they talk of going out to clubs and even using drugs.  Where do they get the money for such things?  I know young boys more excited about their jobs than their education, because for the first time, they have cash in their pockets and new clothes.  They don't know that a high school diploma at least would look good on a job application. I wish that I could hand them my mother's "recipe" for making ends meet.  I implore them to stay in school until graduation, and urge them to go further if possible. 


How different was my upbringing!  How we were taught to square our shoulders, wash the clothes spotless, cook from scratch, and not spend extravagantly.  Mom could serve us months on end with things from the fruit cellar and freezer, plus a gallon of milk and eggs from the store.  I now know that my contentment and lack of desire for stuff came from that upbringing.  I doubt that my life would be as contented if Mom and Dad had cultivated the Material Girl in me.

I hope that my own kids will survive lean times--we all have them. I certainly preferred working less to spend time with family instead of cultivating a career and being an absent mom. My eldest now talks about cutting back on her teaching job in order to help her husband to minister more.  I'm so proud of her and the siblings!  I know that when they get a chance, they will successfully cook up their own recipe of "ends-meet" with dashes of faith and joy tossed in for seasoning.