It's an elusive art form; listening it is. All of us can relate to sitting across from someone and knowing that he or she is hearing not what we are saying, but what he or she wants to hear (A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest -- Simon and Garfunkel). Each side always seems to speak past the other. When it comes to arguments, quite commonly the interlocutors focus less on understanding the other side than on the next argument to be made (the meditation of my heart shall be understanding - Psalm 49: 3 RSV). We fail many times not listening because we were busy talking. This art form of listening takes practice to perfect, yes? When we master it the cost is zero. We come to understand that listening is essential to love.
"Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak" (James 1: 19 RSV).
A few keys for listening well:
Let the other person talk
Listen with gentle and humble curiosity
Avoid judging the speaker too soon
Avoid apathy
Summary: Effective listening does involve speaking. Don't just sit and listen disinterestedly. The speaking part in a conversation is not about giving advise or a pep talk. It's about the focus on the fundamental meaning and feelings expressed by the other.
This reader hopes these guidelines can help in some way, but at the same time, one must invoke the Holy Spirit for help.
Whenever I see someone selected (they are often selected by the powers that be) to speak in front of groups that I go to, rallies and the like, they do all the talking. There is rarely an open mic for anyone else to speak on the subject. Talkers love listeners, but they love fans even more.
Ron
Love ya!
Jane