This is a companion article featured on the website www.basicblaq.com. The author of the mate to this examined the statement, "All men are dogs." He asked me to provide a feminine viewpoint. Here 'tis!

Yes, we’ve all heard it before. “Men are such dogs.” (not to be confused with “men are pigs.” Perhaps in another column.) In a group of women discussing masculine behavior, the phrase will occur more often than not. It’s usually followed by an “amen” chorus and multiple “dog” tales. What is this phenomenon? Why do women feel that way? The phrase is based on the masculine libido. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s about sex.

Let’s look at the canine beast. The male, driven by the instinct to mate, senses a female in heat. Her scent triggers a response he is unable to control. He does not reason that she may not be ‘right’ for him. He isn’t concerned with building a long-term relationship. He’s responding to her pheromones the way God intended. End of story. Females are also instinct-driven. The bitch expects the male’s advances and assumes the position to mate. It is the primary function of her being in heat. Human males who adopt this instinctive behavior are targets for the phrase, “men are dogs.”

Take the human sexual organs, for example. The male’s are external and female’s internal. This basic difference is indicative of why men and women view sex differently. For many men, the sex act is just that, an act; an external event. “It just happened, baby. It didn’t mean anything.” He’s blaming his behavior on instinct. He gets a whiff of the female pheromone (yes, humans have it, too), becomes aroused, and wants what he wants when he wants it. What’s important is that humans choose when and how to act on instinct. Trouble comes when men use the excuse, “I’m a man and I couldn’t help myself.”

For the woman, sex is an experience. She must allow the man to enter her physically. Sex for women is not external. It means something. You’ve entered her soul and it isn’t just about the sexual release. I believe that even a canine female understands the long-term commitment she’s making when she mates. For women, mating has a purpose more complex than procreation. She expects a mate to play a lifetime role. It marks the beginning of a contract and serves as the signature. The male canine role ends with the act. I know women who would disagree because they’re convinced that all men are dogs. They will tell you they are out for themselves to avoid being hurt again. In my view, going against the natural instinct to bond with a male will eventually wear her down. She will become more bitter about relationships and never truly open herself to a man of worth should she encounter one. Perhaps that’s why women are often labeled bitches.

Now, imagine a man pleading with the woman he cares for to forgive his sexual indiscretion because it “didn’t mean anything.” Suppose the woman he was unfaithful with overheard that comment. Unless she’s a hooker (or a bitch), I expect he wouldn’t get the opportunity to make that same mistake again. No, all men are not “dogs,” any more than all women are bitches, but there are enough who behave as such to cause hesitation when risking an emotional investment.

How can this relationship barrier be overcome? The answer is simple, but not easy. It will take some work. You know— W-O-R-K? It’s the thing that produces fruit from labor. It’s the thing that makes the end product worthwhile and gives you a sense of accomplishment.

First, work to understand and accept the differences between men and women. Never expect the opposite sex to view things as you do. It won’t happen. However, it’s still possible to arrive at an understanding by sharing your view and listening to your partner’s view.

It’s also very helpful to know what you want. Are you looking for a:

1. Golden retriever. Beautiful animal. Tail-wagging, loyal, sweet disposition.
2. Doberman. Tall, strong, handsome and an effective and vicious protector.
3. Pitt bull. Powerful and massive, but volatile if provoked or mistreated.
4. Cocker spaniel. Cute, but needs attention or he’ll chew your shoes and table legs to get it.
5. St. Bernard. Big, fuzzy, warm and lovable. Will cost a fortune to feed.
6. Chihuahua. Little, feisty, and jealous. Better for single owners without families. Sees himself as a Doberman, but often mostly bark and little follow-through.
7. Labrador. Good looking sporting dog. Loves adventure. He will play catch with you until you get tired because he never will. Wants to be with you whether jogging or riding in the car.
8. Poodle. High maintenance, but not a bad trade-off since this breed doesn’t shed leaving hair all over the place.
9. Dalmatian. Knows what he wants but is moody. Prefers horses to children but will be loyal to you forever.

I’m having fun with this, but the analogies apply to both men and women. Never compromise on your requirements in a “pet” and always examine the traits of the animal before choosing one to bring home. Women want a man who is sure of himself and will treat her with respect and admiration. Men want a woman who understands herself and where she’s going and will treat him with understanding and love. Do you see the pattern? We both want the same things. Amazing, huh? In the case of the “man who would be dog,” he just wants to mate.

Next, apply the “c” word. That’s right, communication! Women, let it be known what you expect. Do it with love and tact, but communicate your requirements in no uncertain terms. Men and women define relationships differently. For example, I have an acquaintance that refers to a woman he’s lived with for 7 years as his “friend.” I’ve only ever heard him use two relationship terms—friend and wife. Women he has no intimate contact with are his friends as well.

Men, if you care for her, listen. If she has the ovaries to be straight with you, give her credit for knowing what she wants. You may believe that going to work and coming home is your role and that you are doing all you can. Is that what she wants or what you want? She may think that dinner ready and satisfying you sexually is her role. Are those efforts enough?

True, some have no clue where they are headed career-wise or emotionally, so to find someone who has a finger on their own emotional pulse is a jewel. You should also put your cards on the table and make it understood if you only want sex or prefer a long-term contract. Are you stringing your “pet” along to continue getting sexual favors or are you really into her? Are you a man or a dog? Come on, bark up!! She can’t read your mind despite her intuitive powers. Are you afraid she’s going to react with drama so you avoid being straight with her? Are you basing that assumption on past relationships or your personal experience with her? Would you want her to judge you based on past unpleasantness?

Oh, sure, it would be nice to find that perfect someone who is already trained and where you want them to be. The fact is that you must still teach that person about who you are. A “pet” that is already trained requires you to understand what commands get the results you want. Get my drift? You may want the same things, but are you speaking the same language? However, if I have to train you to not raise your leg in public, you ain’t my kinda “pet.”

Last, but certainly not least, successful relationships aren’t 50/50. They are 100/100. Imagine a Coke machine. The 20 ounce bottle price is $1.00. You drop three quarters in and make your selection but nothing happens. Enter into a relationship for what you can add to it and never ask “what’s in it for me?” Yes, you approach the machine because you want a Coke, but you still must pay the full price.

People have become so into avoiding heartache. They hold out their hand, waiting to see what their potential mate will drop into it; never letting their guard down enough to experience the real thing. Self-preservation is fine but too much can effectively prevent real emotional and mental bonding. Women hesitate to submit to and spoil a man because they’ve encountered men who soaked up the attention and love and treated them like furniture. Furniture is nice to have around in case you need a place to sit your beer while you hunt for the remote. Men shy away from catering to women because they’ve encountered gold diggers who were after trinkets and not truly into them as a person. Soaking up the generosity and believing that a little piece of tail should cover their bets. Yeah, men have feelings, too, you know?

Get past the initial attraction of pheromones, know what you want, work at it, dive in head first and swim in each other’s depths. Yes, you may find it a bit murky in there, so identify it, and then deal with it. No leash required.

Copyright
Iva Lawson
May 25, 2005