Translated from the Dead Si Scrolls.
Another one of the series, "Life was simple--b.t.(back then). The better-left-untold stories."

Not many people nowadays are aware that Jesus had a Spaniard as his right-hand man. And as one might suspect, he was a yes-man. In fact, if you know your biblical history, you may recall he was referred to as the "Si of Galilee." Or,"Si", for short. All of which made sense because he was a short Spaniard.

Anyway, Si had this thing about a grouch named Pontius Pilate. He flat didn't like him. And that, of course, was because Jesus didn't like him.

One day Jesus sent Si out to rough up ol' Ponty just to let him know who’s boss. Upon returning to the Catholic Church, which was, in reality, a converted manger, Si reported to the boss. All Jesus wanted to know was, "Did you give him a blas phe me, Si?"

"I deed sir," came the Spanishesque reply. Jesus made Si repeat his answer three times. Not because he didn't understand him, but because he just loved to hear Si say "deed."

Did I forget to mention that Si was an accomplished organist? In fact, he introduced organ-playing to that manger-converted church. Later, the Catholics could rightly proclaim theirs as the first organized religion.

Si formed the first organist's union, The AFL-Si. Having learned from the money-changers (and the Catholic Church) the art of making a buck, Si extracted heavy dues from union members. The union became known as the "AFL-Si I owe."

Si, now wealthy, no longer needed to depend on Jesus for his daily fish and loaf. Forthwith, he cameled to Russia, and there on the slopes of the steppes, married. Within a year, his
yes-woman and wife, bore him a man-child. The child would obviously be called "The Red Si."

When Si's son grew into a strong and brave young man, he could no longer be expected to stay at home. His father said, "So, go." His mother, of course, agreed. He would go forth, boldly following in his father's footsteps. With a crusher of a handshake from dad and a hug from mom, the young man left.

And that is the simple, no-nonsense story of the parting of The Red Si. Did he milk his friends for all they were worth, and did he find his honey? Si. He deed.
But, of course, a man like Si doesn't stop making history, biblical or otherwise. You guessed it. Right there on the steppes he invented a language. You see, Si had never forgotten the day Jesus had him repeat a sentence three times just to hear him say "deed".

Yes, he knew the word was spelled "did." But he'd always pronounced it "deed." Why? Why? Why? Then it hit him. It's a vowel thing.

The diabolicalness of it filled him with rage. "Those damned gringos," he shouteed. "First, they make a left-handed Spaniard Jesus' right-hand man, and then they change the way all the vowels are pronounced."

Obviously, it was up to him to save all Spaniards from the cunning Jewish Protestants. Mess with a Catholeek, will they. There was no stopping him now. He labored for five hours straight, day and night, to perfect the new language.

However, it would take him a fortnight to settle on a name for his monumental undertaking, destined to unite a great country. It would, of course, have to be an -ish. But what -ish? Then, it hit him. He would name it after that noble land of his origin. The language would henceforth and evermore be called, Espaniaish.

To their credit, Jesus and his disciples tried learning Si's new language, but it was no use. Hell, they couldn't even pronounce Espaniaish. Yes, they laughed a lot, especially when someone said "deed."

But the second language effort came to a screeching halt when Jesus heard that Judas, who had this irritating habit of spoiling things for others, was calling Jesus "Hey! Soos"--behind his back, of course.

Well the Bible records some of the better known results of Judas getting his butt chewed by Jesus. A darn poor move by the big guy, to say the least.

Meanwhile, history records that Si came away the winner in all this. He returned to Espania a hero. Both he and his wife lived out their remaining years in glory and opulence.

Somewhere between glory and opulence, Si managed to father two more man-children. Much to his dismay, his boys would one day open up a small cafe in Madrid. Sadly, Si would die knowing that his two sons, Taco and Burrito, would never become famous like him.



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