Does Islam force marriage? Are women of this religion exploited in marriage because the regigion permits it? Find out!!

“In the days before Islam girls were buried alive, now they are sold like sheep and goats,” Shehnaz Akhtar wrote. “I have been sold to a man I never wanted to live with. What kind of Islam is this?” (Q1)

What does this statement reflect? Revulsion? Allegation? Maybe incredulity…or hurt and sorrow that is deeply embedded? Whatever the case, its been said and done with, period. But does it not stir up thoughts and places your own beliefs under scrutiny? After all you and I are no religious scholars, so doesn’t it make you want to ask what kind of religion is Islam? What are the finer details and the exemplar the Prophet Mohammad has left behind? What religious convictions are these that play guardian of females at birth and then relinquish them to subsist a living doom everyday after a forced marriage? What sort of religion do you follow that gives absolute freedom to a woman to choose her religion when it says: “There is no compulsion in religion, right has been made distinct from error” (2:256) but doesn’t permit her to choose her own husband? It doesn’t, right? Or does it?

Saima Wahid’s father filed a case against her summoning her to court to have her marriage declared illegal because she had married without his consent. And the Qur'an says: “Do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner.” (2: 232)

Shehnaz Akhtar’s parents married her to Tajammul who was willing to pay 20,000 rupees (£250) in exchange (Q2). The Prophet has said: “A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her, and the permission of a virgin is her silence.”

Tahira Bibi, a young widow, was forced into three engagements by her parents in exchange of material assets. When she married against her parents' wishes she was kidnapped, tortured and divorce was forced. Qu’ran reveals concerning widows: “there is no blame on you for what they do with themselves in a lawful manner.” (2:234)

Maryam was declared barren and divorced. The winding up of her dismal forced marriage rolled out yet another phase of interference by the former in-laws and parents. It has been said: “And when you divorce women, and they have come to the end of their waiting period, hinder them not from marrying other men if they have agreed with each other in a fair manner.” (2: 232)

This is the religion that Shehnaz Akhtar arraigned for mistreatment of its women. This is the Islam that abolished customs of giving girls in marriage even before birth, tabooed Shighar marriages, counseled fathers, brothers and uncles to recognize a woman as an individual in her own right irrespective of single or married status with the right to own and dispose her property, her earnings or any other personal assets without any male interference. Force in anything let alone marriage is neither a suggestion nor an option, at least not by Islam.

You tell me, isn’t marriage a solemn covenant that should be entered into with complete commitment and full knowledge of what is involves? A bond uniting a man and woman together in a solid and sacred relationship linking different duties and responsibilities that develop love, care, co-operation and tranquility? Islam considers it as nothing less, in fact much more. A relationship of mutual rights and obligations based on divine guidance as God creates men and women with complimentary natures and a system of laws to support harmonious interaction. It’s a bond that creates peace of mind and security for the growth, development and progress of the human race.

For Islam there are no conditions on the arrangement of the marriage expect that it should be legitimate and there has to be a contented, voluntarily and individual consent of the couple. Any gift from the groom to his bride (Mahr) on marriage, repetition of vows thrice in case of doubt and reluctance, signatures on the marriage agreement with full liberty to define various terms and conditions of their preferences and three witnesses to the ‘nikah’.
A girl once married or a boy, both who are considered adult, sane and mature are independent and no relation has the power of domination or intervention when is comes to marriage. However for a maiden, the father’s consent is required though it is beyond any doubt that even the father cannot force a maiden to marry against her will. The point is that the girl makes the final decision concerning who she would marry and she may even marry someone that her guardian objects to.

To understand this an enlightened approach is called for. Forced marriages differ from arranged ones with the difference twisting on assent. In an arranged marriage the woman concerned may consent readily but in a forced marriage the consent can be a result of coercion, mental abuse, blackmail and family pressure; physical violence, detention, threats etc in extreme cases. Thus the consent is not full and free. Occurring within diverse cultures, traditions, nationalities, races and religions force in marriage is recognized as a violation of fundamental rights guaranteed by national constitutions and in each case laws also criminalizes aspects of the practice.

Though man has proven that he can never be God’s angel, he can indeed be Satan’s puppet. In our acquisitive lives, that we would rather term as practical; we are influenced by a host of covetous prejudices and traditions conferred on by ancestors, male chauvinism and aspirations of vain egos that have a direct influence over crucial decisions including marriage. I will not say that these values are confused with Islamic principles and nor should you think so. Instead they are functional under the deceptive pressure of divine sanctions but can never really be justified in the name of culture or religion.

Are you reader, alien to the vices breeding in our culture? Are you conjecturing in bewilderment why parents or relatives would mercilessly compel a girl into a union she finds objectionable? The answer to this is rooted in societal corruption, greed or perhaps in helplessness, especially in rural areas and the middle class where matches are made against material benefits or to avoid the wrath of a dreaded creditor. Some families are also adamant on cousin marriages in order to avert inheritance from going outside the family circle, this being most conventional in the feudal lobby. In other cases the motive is to find a family that is monetarily sound and therefore can endow fringe benefits, not only to the couple but the family. This is nothing…what’s more sordid are the Shighar marriages that were in vogue in the pre-Islamic days and are prohibited by Islam but nevertheless practiced. These pathetically comprise a father giving his daughter in marriage to another man in consideration of the latter giving his daughter in marriage to him. In such a selfish and licentious exchange, the dowry on both sides is forgone.

And yes, its rueful to but it gets even worst! Because these customs have been practiced for centuries and people have inured to them, they tend to rush things that eventually result in reprehensible child marriages. Neither Islam nor international human rights bodies support this practice that is seen as a form of discrimination against the girl child. Islam is a strong advocate of marriage but it does not recognize the betrothal of girls or undertakings by family members on their behalf as arranged marriage since children do not have the capacity to give consent. There is no place for celibacy like priesthood therefore Islam doesn’t recognize or tolerate absurd customs like marriage to the Holy Qur'an and devoting a life-hood to God by staying single.
And you see, when morals fall they really take a plunge. It is very rare in the lower class that feuds do not arise concerning the dowry (mahr). The fact that the mahr is a gift from the groom to the bride for her own personal use is wholly overlooked and it is rather dealt as a safeguard lest of divorce. What could be a worst omen?

Mostly geared up to take undue advantage, guardians often callously misused the discrepancy of opinion among jurists of different Islamic schools of thought as to whether a maiden can contract a marriage without the consent of her father and whether the validity of her marriage is in any way conditional to the consent of her guardian. This principal is basically to safeguard the welfare of a juvenile and inexperienced girl who in immaturity or over-zealousness may want to marry an unsuitable man for romantic notions that young people have and that often proven to be unrealistic and harmful. Romance and love alone simply do not secure an everlasting bond between two people when we have to deal in the real world. The idealistic expectations that young people have often contribute to the failure of their relationships. In such a case she can be stalled till a more suitable person can be found. This still by no means threatens her right to choose even later and the father cannot withholds consent without a sound reason, bad intention or if he is not competent to exercise his judgment; then he loses his right. Islamic jurists are unanimous that in such a case the girl is free to contract a marriage with anyone of her choice. But how many girls know this? Few. And is it ever used to their disadvantage? Yes, incessantly!

Who else stands culpable besides relations for swindling with these innocent lives and shattering their dreams? Why are they not educated in their so-staunch mardassas and schools that they too have the right to choose, the right of divorce on a marriage agreement and the permission to keep their family name rather than taking their husbands if chosen. Why are there no government awareness schemes storming to tell them that they can check their husbands against polygamy? That they can secure their well being in such rickety marriages with a pre-selected division of assets incase of divorcé? Why don’t the Shariah seeking lawmakers’ implement protective law as prescribed by the Qur'an and give these girls legal cover?

For the most part, girls are not conscious of their rights and it is this lack of awareness that finally pulls them under. They know unerringly and merely what they have been acquainted with and desperately accept as true the spurious promises made for the future; promises that will never take the shape of reality. Little do they know of the horrendous twist their lives are about to take and that that the given word of mouth is as fraudulent as the whole sham. They know not that they are being sold or exchanged…they are naïveté; if they do…they are helpless. They are kept caged in a room during nikah, away from people and deaf to the ceremony and nobody ever knows if the signature was with a happy flourish or forced with intimidation.

Look around; we probably pass them all the time. But it is only when a threatened young girl manages to escape and tell her tale that the scars open up and bleed again and the whole society feels appalled by what is happening right under its nose. And yet, it is still you and I who walk away eventually leaving behind countless girls to struggle against their fate, their customs, and their men and blame it on their religion.

(Q1/Q2: http://www.guardian.co.uk/pakistan/Story/0,2763,430208,00.html)