Dating can be tricky and the slightest mistake can knock you out of the running for a second date, if that was what you were hoping for.

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and if you are single, well, you might be hoping that you won’t be spending another one alone. Dating can be tricky and even the slightest mistake can knock you right out of the running with a guy. Here are some tips to help you make the most of every opportunity and to ensure that even if your date isn’t “The One” you will feel good about yourself and the whole experience in the end.

Look for the good in every dating situation. Even if your date doesn’t look like a Calvin Klein model, he might have an incredible sense of humor, a smile that lights up the room, or be a fabulous conversationalist! Use each opportunity to meet someone new and to hone your dating skills.

Take your time. Don’t let yourself immediately fall for the wrong person! I know, I know, that sexy Frenchman Jean-Paul is all but irresistible with those full pouty lips, ringlets, and delicious accent! It takes all of your strength not to quit your job and show up at his door in nothing but a garter belt and high heels with a bottle of wine and a bag of croissants under your arm. But the fact that he is in the country illegally, broke, and kinda has a girlfriend and a wife back in Paris should snap you right back to your senses.

Tame your jitters. Remember that this is just a first date. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself thinking about where the relationship is going. This is a crucial time for learning about your date, so take your time and allow the evening to develop. One of the easiest ways to get thrown off balance is to worry about what the heck your date thinks of you. You should be evaluating your date! Pay attention to what he is saying and doing so that you can decide if he is worthy of you. Women tend to wonder too much on the first date if this person is “the one.” Well, he might be “the one” or he might not, so just have a great time and relax. Tell yourself how special you are, and Mr. Right will show up in your life when the time is right. Have some faith, write your script, meditate on having a great time, show up for the date, be your fabulous self, and enjoy!

Be mysterious. Even if you feel very comfortable with your date and feel like you can talk to him about anything, keep a bit of mystery about you. He doesn’t need to know your whole life story on the first date, especially if you have one of those dramatic backgrounds like so many of us do—the kind that would make for a good independent film starring Courtney Love. The poor guy just wants to have a nice, relaxing evening and a chance to get to know you a bit, not hear about how you suspect that your mother cheated on your father. And don’t go on about how it stressed you out so much that you took up drinking and then ended up in AA. Of course, that is where you met your first roommate who “saved” you so you became born again, which is why you vowed not to have sex until you were married. But then you met a rocker with a Jesus tattoo on his arm and was sure it was a “sign” . . . and on and on we go. (All of this is a true story, by the way, told to one of my clients within ten minutes of ordering the appetizers.) You get my point. If you reveal too much too soon, there won’t be a second date, if that’s what you were hoping for.

Be open to someone who doesn’t fit your usual profile of the perfect man. I know that we all have our “dream man” pictured in our head. “He must be over six feet five.” “If he doesn’t make at least a million a year, I won’t meet him.” “I don’t date Scorpios or Virgos.” “I would never date an attorney.” Be a tad bit more open-minded, and you may discover that a 5'9" man is a lot easier to access for smooching, or that the Scorpio who you just gave a chance to has a Libra moon and has you over the moon in love. Or that handsome young attorney that you almost turned down is suddenly making a great case on why he’s such a great catch! You never know what package your soul mate is going to arrive in. Be flexible, and you just might be pleasantly surprised.

Wear something feminine and classy on the first date. Believe it or not, men notice what a woman wears. Of course, you’ll want to show off your fabulous form, but this does not mean dressing like a porn star. A man definitely wants to see your figure, but keep it tasteful. Stiletto heels, a mini skirt and your cleavage spilling out all over so that the poor guy can’t even maintain eye contact is not a way to make a good impression. You can still look sexy and appealing without looking trashy. This goes for makeup as well. I have heard countless times from men when giving me feedback on their date that they thought the gal was overly made-up. My own husband tells me often that he doesn’t know why I put on makeup because I look so much better without it. Did you realize that a man analyzes a woman on a first date, picturing whether he would take her to a business function or to meet his friends or family? Or if he would want her for the mother of his children? If not, she will probably be just another girl to put in his little black book to call when he wants to have some fun.



Be a good listener. Ladies, if you are serious about attracting a dreamboat into your life, one of the skills that you simply must learn is the art of listening! Now, almost all men subscribe to the myth that women talk too much. What they really mean is they don’t get a chance themselves to talk enough. A man loves to talk about himself and his accomplishments, but then again, who doesn’t? He needs to know that you are interested in him. If you just go on and on about yourself, showing no interest in him, he will come to the conclusion that you are self-centered and not want to see you again. Sorry, but that’s just how it works. And by the way, listening isn’t just sitting silent like a statue while the man yammers happily on. Listening is an active pursuit. Don’t be sitting there making out your grocery list in your head or wondering if Mimi can fit you in for a pedicure Friday at four. Really hear what he is saying, then ask a question now and again that shows you understand and want to hear more. Keep in mind that the love bug sitting across the table from you has a job, friends, a family, hobbies, and interests. Without grilling him, ask some questions about where he has traveled, what he is involved in, where he grew up, etc. He will feel very comfortable with you, and it is a fabulous way to start off a relationship. Yes, it is crucial that he want to know you, too, and if he makes no attempt to know who you are and what’s important to you, you are likely to find him a bit self-absorbed, but on the first date, just this once at least, let him take the lead. Besides, learning all that you can about who he is and what’s important to him is really good insight into making a decision if you wish to pursue a relationship with him. So, let his need to talk about himself work in your favor.

Be careful how much alcohol you consume on a first date. That French cabernet tastes like silk going down or the apple martini has just enough zing that you go ahead and order another, and then another and another while enjoying scintillating conversation with Mr. Possibility. This can be quite fun and exciting, but very dangerous because you will probably let at least a few things slip from your ever so slightly lipstick-smudged lips that you will definitely regret manana! You also run the risk of engaging in frisky and rather risky behavior that you normally would save for much later in the relationship.

Avoid talking about astrology and past lives. Now, I know I find myself hard-pressed to pry myself away from the television when James van Pragh is on Oprah, but it is usually not interesting to a guy and can be a deadly subject to bring up on a first or second date. The guy will probably think that you are strange and flaky. So reserve that topic for discussions with your girlfriends.

If you are desperate to have a baby! Pleeeeeeeese do not bring up this subject, even if your last egg is about to drop!! Perhaps you’ve waited too long to start a family and now are in a panic and looking for the future father of your child with more determination than the U.S. forces hunting Osama Bin Laden! But you are on a first date with a man. Just enjoy yourself. He does not want or need that pressure. He doesn’t even know if he wants a second date with you, let alone whether he’ll want to father your children!

Keep up on current events. We must absolutely keep ourselves abreast of what is going on in the world. I can’t tell you how many times a gentleman has mentioned to me that he is looking for a lady who is intelligent and can hold a stimulating conversation. A man wants to know that you can hold your own if he takes you to a business affair. I was recently talking a one of my male clients about a gal he was going to be meeting later in the week. They had talked on the phone quite a bit and he really liked her personality, but he was concerned about the fact that at the age of 36, she did not know who our vice president was.

Avoid answering your cell phone during dinner. This is a real turn-off. Here the poor guy is trying to impress you and show you a good time. Please turn off your cell phone, your pager, your Blackberry, your blueberry, or strawberry and give this wonderful gentleman your full attention for the evening. I do realize that there may be exceptions—for example, if you are a doctor or a single parent and need to take an emergency call—but otherwise there is no need to be taking calls from friends just wanting to chat or other potential dates.

Don’t tell him how hideous your previous dates have been. This is a big no-no! If he should by chance ask you your opinion of the other guys that you have met on-line or through the matchmaking service that you belong to, resist the urge to go into detail about how your last date had the face of a chimpanzee and the personality of a hedgehog. Simply state that he was very nice, but you just did not feel the chemistry necessary for a long-term relationship. If you mention that your previous dates were all hideous nerds, then believe me, he will think, “Well, I wonder what she thinks about me?” Your best bet is not to get into any details of your previous dates or, for that matter, previous relationships, including ex-husbands. By keeping your comments on a positive note, it makes you look incredibly classy and mature.

Remember to have fun! It’s not the end of the world if you are not in a relationship. Timing is everything and when the right one comes along you will be prepared. Happy dating!