The Rock in July (PaintedRock online magazine)

The Test of Time
An EX SuperMom's POV
NanC Anderson

I can say EX supermom because I don't have to be the escort service/chauffeur any longer. I hear frustration in a lot of different voices, so I want to share some thoughts. Looking back, I sigh and wish I hadn't been such a supermom for so long and had been smart enough to get to my writing earlier. My kids can hardly even remember all the hours I spent at their beck-and-call. Most of us struggle to do our writing because we have 'lives' with 'loved ones' around us. It seems strange that when they are busy we can do as we please, but when they are around they want our undivided attention--or we don't love them--or we are selfish. Here is where a compromise is essential--without it we find chaos both emotional and physical and the possible end of our creativity while the rest of the family marches happily to their own tune and not feeling a twinge of guilt about it.
Mostly, it is us, the supermoms, who make the 'compromise': e.g., Work the same hours that the loved ones are not around. Or, if you've got the 'day job', rushing around like crazy to do 'everything' so you can write two hours before going to bed--pant, pant, yawn, yawn and too darned tired to think. I don't know about the rest of you supermoms, but, I can be easily 'guilted' by most any member of the family. I should say used to be easily … because now I try very hard not to allow my loved ones to use this very unloving process.
How badly do you want to write your stories, becomes the main question. How badly do we want anything is what happens throughout our entire lives.
Is it okay to let the family know how badly you want something?
Will they care?
If they really don't care, will that stop you from writing?
I suspect there could be a million little questions we could ask ourselves, but why bother? How badly do you want to write your stories is the most important to answer. Do you have to jeopardize your health by writing all night and caring for the family all day? Choices. I have done this one and don't advise it at all. I have learned the hard way that this one comes about because of the 'guilt trip' thing. I've decided there is no cure for the guilt-trip givers--just using questions on them seems to turn them off for a while. Like: What did you do today? Did I interrupt you? Did you have fun? Did I interrupt you? Did you think about me while you were gone? Did I interrupt you? And on, and on . . ..
Having a schedule helps a great deal if we make certain that we are allowed to keep to it. It should be at least as stringent as the rest of the family's hours--if we are serious and want it badly enough.
If the children are little, that is a whole new set of rules, but you know, fathers should have time alone with their children. They did help create them. Yes, they were out working all day--were they the only ones working all day? Are they more tired than anyone else? A bit of compromise and everyone sees everyone and then we must ask for respect for the serious effort we are making. The same respect we give each and every day.
For those of us with those 'day jobs' how badly do we want to write our stories? Badly enough to have a stringent two hours after dinner? Or perhaps before breakfast? Those of us who are determined know that 'set butt in chair and write' is what must happen to fulfill our serious need to write our stories, to learn our craft. Having that creative time certainly helps the supermom toward the reward of publication if she wants it badly.
Those of you who have joined writing lists, or critique groups might consider sharing notes on Supermom activities as well as the craft. Think of it this way, if each one has a valuable suggestion that helps each one 'get the butt in the chair' and have a 'smiling family' and 'headed for that published goal' think of the rewards!
Keep the keyboards smok'in!!