Have you ever wondered if your spouse ever really hears you? If so, you're not alone. This article provides simple steps to developing communication between men and women.

"I asked you to do this for me yesterday and you promised me you'd do it today. What do you mean that I never asked you?" Sound familiar? For many women it certainly does! I have heard hundreds of similar stories from many frustrated spouses whose husbands claim innocence regarding conversations of which they have no recollection. Did those conversations actually take place? Absolutely! did he really make a promise at that time? Of course he did. Then why can't he remember it and even tends to deny that he even said anything?

Like most of us, we did not obtain and/or receive adequate pre-marital preparation. We didn't learn about the personality differences, the life experience differences, the background differences, and, most vitally important, the male-female differences. The result is we need to know why this happens and how to effectively eliminate the problem. There are three things we need to know to get us on the way toward wholeness.

First, we need to know that men are created by God to be logical and mechanical in nature while women are created emotional and intuitive. In this statement alone we find a major hurdle to be overcome! The "wiring" between the sexes is indeed different which means that, generally speaking, women are able to truly multitask while men can only "pretend" to do so. Because of a woman's tremendous God-given emotional capacity, she can operate in a variety or realms simultaneously. Imagine the phone ringing, someone knocking on the door, a pot on the stove boiling over, and the children engaged in a melee on the floor of the family room. Because of her strong emotional capacity, she can answer the phone, respond to the knock on the door, remove the pot from the stove, and separate the kids all in one sweeping motion. She doesn't have to think about it - she just does it seemingly without thinking.

Men, on the other hand, because they were created to be logical and mechanical, can actually only focus on one task at a time. The man who claims to be a "multitasker" is probably not really being honest because men can generally only single focus. Because of their logical and practical nature, they have to take some time in deciding which task to do first and they will actually evaluate the depth and involvement of each chore before entertaining a final decision. Knowing this, let's review the situation of the phone, the door, the pot, and the kids. Before he can decide which to do first, the phone caller has hung up, whoever was at the door is gone, the pot has boiled over, and the kids have "killed" each other. As you can see, women make decisions quickly because they are emotionally equipped to do so. Men, on the other hand, make decisions over time - often a day or two - because they have to evaluate all the pros and cons as well as the variable scenarios associated with the decision.

The second thing we need to understand is that, once men have made a decision, they will place all their energies into whatever they are doing and will usually stay on task until completed, even if it's at the expense of others. They are so very focused on the task at hand that they actually have limited awareness of the peripheral things that are going on around them. This is where the problem begins between men and women in that, for men, anything that attempts to permeate the focus of his task will probably not really be heard. He may respond with an answer but his overwhelming attention to the task is subconsciously the only thing that matters and he is "blinded" to the conversation in which you are attempting to get him to engage.

This means that he will not be "attached" to any conversation his spouse initaites as long as he is on task. He will provide cursory responses but will generally never make eye contact during this time and, therefore, probably will never remember engaging in the verbal interaction or have a different account of that conversation. It's important to know that he doesn't mean to be slighting his spouse with any intentional desire; it's just that both don't understand what's happening at the moment. He really does want to hear her, but he doesn't understand how the logical-mechanical aspect of the way he is "wired" plays into this important moment for him and for her. Amd, on her part, she doesn't understand his logical-mechanical makeup in relation to her emotional-intuitive design and how it plays into the moment as well. The great news is the solution works every time!

This third aspect is how we address this situation - the solution. Knowing when I'm "on task," my wife will come to me and state that, when I have a free moment in my task, she needs to speak with me about something. She does not ask for interaction or decision-making at that point of time. She is simply letting me know that she needs my undivided attention. My response to her request is the other have of the equation.

I will promise to meet with her as soon as I have a stopping point. The objective for me is to make certain that I do that. She is compromising by delaying her need to verbally interact; I have to do my part by making certain to get with her when I have a break. We have found this works extremely well and this simple compromise has become a "staple" in our relationship. It bridges the gap between our differences and permits us to be in meaningful, connected relationship.

As a final thought, women need to know that men are single focused in everything they do, even including watching a Sunday afternoon football game. It's their nature and we need to understand that. But, every couple can make the simple compromise that we have made and we can attest to the fact it does indeed work. Watch for more Life Line articles dealing with these male-female differences.