Just when you think you've survived the kids, there are pets. (Parenting/Humor)
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Now that the kids are back in school, I thought I’d
have a little more time to myself. It’s not that I
had anything planned. I’m not really particular about
‘me time’. I just like to be able to eat my breakfast
without shouting through mouthfuls. I like to take a
shower without somebody banging on the door every
thirty seconds to tattletale. You get the point.

Well, the pets must have sensed my anticipation. (You
may recall that we have nine cats and a dog that
thinks he’s a cat.) Now that the kids are back in
school, the pets have started acting up.

It began this morning with the girls (the three
biggest troublemakers) playing hide-and-seek behind
the dryer. This game involves ripping out the dryer
vent...something I never discover until I turn the dryer
on and get hit in the face with a blast of dust.

So while I am trying to wedge myself behind the
machine to readjust the tubing, they sneak off to the
kitchen. I can tell they are up to no good because I
hear cabinets opening and closing and one of the adult
cats hissing.

I run for the kitchen hollering out names. They come
running at me frantically, scramble around me and tear
around the living room, over the sofas and behind the
desk and recliner.

“Okay, out you all go!” So far my day hasn’t been any
different than it’s been all summer with the five kids
underfoot.

That’s when I hear tippy-toeing behind me. The dog
that is supposed to be lounging on the hassock is now
trying to sneak past me to his bed and fake a nap
before I catch him.

I can’t stand when kids and pets sneak. It’s such a
dead give away, too. If he’d just walk normally, I
wouldn’t have even thought twice about him strolling
around the house, but there he is sneaking and this
means one thing. It’s potty time and he doesn’t want
to go outside because it’s too cold.

Boohoo. Number four is out the door. Only six more
to go.

The older cats are wiser. Moocher, Momma Cat, Phoebe
and Serera know that the best cat is a sleeping cat.
They claim sunspots and sack out. The boys saunter
outside to amuse themselves with grasshoppers – a
choice they make to avoid suffering the indignity of
being tossed out. One, two, three, four...nine, ten.
That’s everybody.

At last, I can sit down with the paper and read my
favorite parenting humor column. Suddenly, the door
bursts open and three kids pile into the house. Where
did the time go?

“You’re home already?!”

I’ve got to get a job.

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©Lisa Barker - Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!