Everything in life changed when he left us. He's remains the first thought in the morning and the last thought at night. Time is the measuring stick of everything, it measures how long I've been suspended in this void without his presence and without his father's smile at seeing him. I couldn't have imagined how enormous the loss would be . . .  Watching his father gaze endlessly into nothing while knowing exactly what he is thinking . . .  and knowing his sister  restless pain has suspended her in a sadness that seems never ending . . . Yet we all go on soothed by the smiles and giggles of his three little girls.

How many times can one think about what they wished they would have done or said to him?  How many tears still flow at the thought of him enduring such horrible pain? Back to that measuring stick.... one year later and it's still so painful. The body keeps acting like he's just away . . .  like he's over stayed and needs to get back to us now.  Then I force myself to say, "he gone",  confirming the truth and then lapsing into another episode of painful release.

God, could you assign a special angel to deliver to him this message....
"Shig, you were so much more significant than I was capable of understanding. You are my greatest loss and time has left me drenched in the truth of your beauty and love. You were so much more significant than just the simple guy you thought you were.  You made our world spin perfectly. We have yet to figure out how to get it back into a sustainable spin, knowing that it will never  compare to the way you did it.  Shig, you took yourself for granted, but today we know the truth, you are undeniably extraordinary and we are left truly gifted by all that you were. Never forget I love you."