by 'PeaJ'~!


Every day, generous souls offer to enlarge my penis. Or rather, tell me where I can plunk my money for something that will "add not one inch, but four!" Boy-howdy. I can hardly wait. Wait a minute. I don't have a penis. Do you think they don't know? I don't seem to recognize their addresses. Maybe I should write and tell them they have the wrong party–? Naaaa. It would only lead to hurt feelings.. .

Though if they are right about the joys of Big Penishood, they are too busy impressing themselves to notice.

Actually, if we can believe physiologists and such-like, males and females have the same equipment. What goes in, goes out and what goes out, goes in? (Yikes!) Females have a vestigial penis, hoorah. It is called a clitorus. (I looked up vestigial. Far as I can figure, it means itty-bitty. Second definition something like, "too-often ignored by men who think a big penis is what's needed."). As for men's equipment, those horrid-sounding operations sometimes known as switcheroos just...turn the thing inside out--? (Yikes doesn't say it!!)

I am pretty sure I wouldn't like a ten-inch clitorus. Whether it was mine or someone else's. If I were a betting person, I would lay odds that no woman would. Unless you count the ones who think it would be cool to be on "Survival" or some other hokey "reality" show. But I'm talking about real, grown-up women. You know, the ones who have more brains than noodles in their noodles. Who don't think a hydraulic lift is newfangled cosmetic surgery.. Not that it takes a rocket scientist to figure out that having to wear a cup while playing a contact sport is among the very few hassles we women do not have to put up with. Jockstraps are soooo yesterday, dahlink. Maybe you need the bummer of having to wrap a sweater around your slacks every time your hormones heat. I can do without it, thanks. Just think. Those new French-cut panties you broke the bank for would no longer fit. And what must an extra 9+ inches weigh? Give me time, and I will think of other disadvantages to wagging a thing like that around. . .uh oh. I just did.



Talk about in the way.

Let's move along to the men, as epitomized by Sir Would-Be Stud [or Sir Studly Longwood, as he would have us call him].

Why do I have the feeling that men who are obsessed with length and girth don't know. . .anything? Okay, they know something. But. . .remember the musical, Ain' Misbehavin'?? "Give ‘em what they want, when they want it, dadadadadeedah?" Guys, if your woman is saying she wants Big, something is missing. (Besides her noodle.) An' it ain't Size. Think "Slow Dance." Think Romance. Think Whoa, Man...back up and set the mood! Light a few candles, play a little music, sprinkle a few petals. Say the Word. . .and mean it?

Think take out the garbage and pick up your socks!

If you cook, add a hundred points and never mind about the garbage.

Now this is just one woman's opinion.

No, it isn't.

Don't have to subscribe to Cosmo. Info's everywhere.

Joy of Sex how old?


The e-mail freak who won't leave you alone is trying to enlarge one thing. And it doesn't start with P.

Can you spell Bank Account?

If there is a medically-verifiable deformity involved, that is one thing. But average covers a lot of ground. And it is ground most of us are happy to cover. (So to speak.)

Spend those hard-earned bucks on flowers and a new CD.

Those don't work, buy smaller shorts and a good magnifier.

Sorry about that. Just my way of saying humor is the second-best aphrodisiac.

First has got nada, zilch, zed to do with size.


So lose the sock!



(c) PeaJ