Call me naive, stupid, or blind when it comes to being unfaithful to one's chosen mate...because...I just wouldn't do it!  Has it been done to me? Of course..somewhere along my long life and loves, surely there was a guy who thought he was filling his own desires by having his cake (me) and eating someone elses frosting (them) too!  Perhaps my first husband may have cheated, although I don't believe he did...until...the last year of our marriage.  I knew it happened, and I was the first to suspect.  In fact, I even brought the subject up first...asked my husband point blank!  He lied.  He denied.  I asked the gal with whom I knew he was cheating with.... She lied.  She denied.  Then, I brought the conversation up at an outing where her husband and my husband were present.  The four of us were eating, and in the middle of the main course, just as she was chewing on her fat thick piece of too well done steak....I said, "How long have you and my husband been having an affair?"  Needless to say, she almost choked....(wishful thoughts) but she managed to swallow, as my husbands face turned into a dark shade of crimson.  Her husband, dumber than the chair he was sitting on..looked at me as if I were a mutant who landed at the most inappropriate time...dinner!

   She was cool....swallowed slowly (as she was thinking how to answer without giving herself away...the witch!).  She looked at her plate as she announced..."You misunderstand our meetings as cheating, when in reality...we are merely having to meet regarding my car...it's simply business."   She bought a car at my husband's Lincoln dealership...and claimed it was a lemon from the moment she drove it off the lot...giving her many excuses to return to visit, to chat, to have coffee, to take a spin, to have lunch, to meet for dinner, to meet at the mall to do whatever...to cheat!   My husband of course....smiled....and winked at me...saying, "Why would I want to have an affair with anyone, when you are the perfect wife and mother?"    The stupid husband of the witch said, "Oh...now.. you are imagining this whole thing... they are merely friends....haven't you ever had a friend of the opposite sex?"

    Well, I decided to make myself clear...Now let me explain...this was done with "taste".  I very softly, but deliberately...said, "Honey, (speaking to the witch)...I was through with this guy a long time ago...so if you are satisfied with crumbs...well, sweetie... be my guest!"  With that, I called a cab and left the restaurant.  My husband was humiliated, and now the three of them had to discuss how mentally disturbed I was..... enjoy.

   That evening I had our live-in housekeeper help me to pack all the fancy expensive suits into large black plastic garbage bags... We loaded them, stacked one on top of the other, on the courtyard near the front of our entryway.  We also bagged about two dozen of his expensive shoes....and the golf equipment...and they too were heaved out onto the courtyard.

   When he returned that night, apologizing and begging my forgiveness for letting me leave alone in the cab...."I had to stay...they are customers...they help provide the luxuries that you and I have, etc....."   I did not allow him into our bedroom that night, or ever again.  He was so angry that I had done to his luxurious wardrobe such low-life acts as shoving them into plastic bags.... My goodness...$1000 or more for each one... Ha!  The housekeeper told me that he was cursing and angry the entire night, and she kept serving him coffee and watching him load up his Mark4 (that's how long ago this happened)...

   The following morning...I called the attorney, told him I wanted a divorce...and that was that! No screaming, no yelling, no crying, no nothing.. The stupid husband of the bitch called me begging me to explain....but I said..."Sorry, you should watch your bank account, and start packing."   He couldn't believe any of this.

    Strangely...I had known that our marriage was over for quite some time.  I had also known that I was not a good wife any more....not that I was being unfaithful, but I simply didn't care anymore period. I began to go out with my friends more often, and I began taking courses that I'd put off doing for years....and I began to take more interest in myself for a change.  I cannot blame him for the disentegration of our marriage...although he was the first to be unfaithful.  

    Which brings me back to this article.....why do people cheat?  IT seems lately, that in our society people just always suspect the worst in the other.  Perhaps it's well earned...thinking the negative; however...it is still my opinion, that if two people love each other that is wonderful and good.  If they love each other and have mutual respect for one another..then that is best!   It is also my opinion, that in life...from time to time...one may have a wandering eye...lust or desire or perhaps wonder what it would be like to have someone else....but... the moment is fleeting... and passes without being a cheater.   All marriages, even the best of them, have moments when times are more difficult than others...but their love wins over the bad stuff.... naive...okay... however... if we truly take the time to look at ourselves, face reality....our own.... then perhaps the negative time will pass without incident.

    Sometimes it's best to search within ourself...to ask ourself seriously what it is we truly want?  Do we really love that person more than being alone, more than facing life searching for another, more than death?  We should also realize that sometimes our partner may feel that we don't care enough about him/her...  Maybe just maybe...we should look in the mirror.  Sure, take a look in that reflection called a mirror and see .... do I look nice, do I look tired, do I take time to look nice for him/her, do I smell nice, do I have something clean and fresh on.....do I smile enough? Ask yourself, do I touch him/her when I am close? Do I look into their eyes when I'm speaking...Do I have to yell or fuss or be angry so much?   Can I re-word what was on my mind so that it doesn't sound so mean or hateful?  Am I doing everything that I can to let my partner know how much he/she means to me? 

   The efforts to show our care and love are effortless!  My philosophy has always been this... If I cannot fill my own cup...how can it overflow so that I can give to others?  This does not mean that we should be selfish; however....look within ourselves and be a better person...  Take the time to say I love you, and better yet...show it with a touch, a smile, a caress, a look, and soon... I truly believe this.... if you are in a relationship that is meant to be long-lasting and good...then...your cup will be overflowing and soon his/hers will be as well.... Both of you will have a love that neither could have imagined before you took the time to care about the other without looking for those negative traps...those reasons...to catch them in the act of infidelity....or for wanting to find them guilty of wrongdoing....  So much better to look for the good in people...and perhaps they will find the good in themselves as well!

   No...this isn't a fantasy... it was reality for me. After this first marriage, which by the way lasted ten years, was ended amicably without anger.  It was to me like going to college, traveling, being spoiled and pampered, and then the fun ended, and I had to face life... get a job, raise our children, and find my own way.

   When I did meet the person who would later become my husband, I knew better how to be a nicer person, a good wife and lover and friend. He adopted my children, he loved us all unconditionally, and we had the most beautiful marriage for over 30 years.  It can be done.  We can be happy, and even when times are difficult, if you are respectful of yourself....then you will also be respectful of your mate, your marriage, your children, your life. 

  On a new journey now, I take a few steps forward, then go back a tad when things don't work out right....but I know that ultimately...it is up to ME to make any relationship be fruitful and loving and lasting....  Then..... my partner can fill his cup too.... because mine is overflowing with only good things... 

   Cheaters -  Infidels...... what a waste of glorious life!

   lindalaw