Concept I have for a best-selling cookbook.

     Okay, you’re a young dude (or dudette) living away from home, having to actually cook your own meals because Mom won’t come by and do it for you.  Maybe you’re a starving artist, or too poor to pay attention, trying to make ends meet—-whatever, this is the book for you!  All of these recipes have been field tested in my own tiny kitchen, and I have sampled them directly (usually because the cat refuses).
     Being on limited means, most of the ingredients I have to work with are from a food bank, The Dollar Tree Store, or Big/Lots.  The use of road-kill is optional.  I recommend against it because you can seldom tell what you’re cooking which makes it difficult to know which seasonings and side dishes are appropriate.  You probably have stores that cater to the financially challenged near where you live.  Do what I do—exploit them shamelessly.  They won’t mind.
     Because it’s simply too much work, don’t expect me to arrange these recipes in any particularly helpful order.  Just read the damn book cover to cover, it’s all good.
     Another helpful note--anytime you are wary of eating your own cooking, invite a homeless person to join you.  If they don’t grab their throat, choking, and fall over dead, you can then proceed to dine.
     Not only will this put your mind at ease, but you score a few brownie points with God for acts of charity.  Now is that Zen or what?  (If the homeless dude dies, throw remander of recipe over the fence to the neighbor's dog, burn this cook book, and deny you served the stiff anything at all.  You can comfort yourself that he was probably already sick anyway).

POOR MAN’S ORANGE CRAPE/COBBLER

     This recipe is wonderfully flexible: gop it up with whip cream--which helps just about anything--and you have breakfast, a snack, or fancy dessert that will be appreciated by everyone who’s afraid of starving.
     Now, unlike people who have enough money to just go buy whatever they need from the grocery store, I began by looking in my pantry to see what I had to work with.

     I noticed a box of Albertson’s All-Purpose Biscuit and Baking Mix and an 11 ounce can of Madam Mandarin Orange (whole segments in light syrup).  Note: since I am using all mentioned products in ways unanticipated or generally not approved of by the manufactures, blame me if the results don’t suit your taste, after all, I’m not even pretending to know what I’m doing.  The main advantage of these recipes is that they tend to be quick and simple so you often don’t have to read the tiny instructions that go on products.  Face it, doesn’t thinking just slow most of us down?

     Lacking baking dishes, I was fortunate to have one of those square foil baking pans that Dollar Tree thoughtfully sells 3 for a buck.  Rather than use a mixing bowl which just gives you something extra to wash, I went Zen, using my foil pan for this purpose.  That way, once the mixture has been thrown together, it can go straight to the oven.  This isn’t just survival, it’s an adventure. 
     Okay, pour in some baking mix and open the can of orange slices.  Use the syrup in the can to mix up the batter.  If it seems too thick, add a little water.  You want the general consistence of pancake mix.  You’ll know you’ve too much baking mix if the final product gets to big and overflows the pan, making a mess in your over.  Just kidding, that probably won’t happen.  Now, once mixture is smoothly blended with a fork, whisk, straw, whatever you go, sprinkle the orange slices over the top of the batter and push down lightly on them so they become half embedded.  This is where the real skill comes in.  Push too hard, and the segment is covered up and you get batter on your finger.  Push too softly, and you have to waste time and energy doing it again.  On the likely chance that you are all out of whip cream or COOL WHIP, my personal favorite, throw together a little cinnamon and a little artificial sweetener stolen from a nearby fast food restaurant, and sprinkle the powder on top.  It might not help but probably won’t hurt.
     You are now ready for baking.  Don’t bother pre-heating the over.  That just wastes gas or electric.  Set your oven on something close to 375 and give it about half an hour.  Helpful clue-—if it sets off the smoke detectors, you’ve left it in too long.  Pull out of over and serve at once with topping if available.   

 

THAT'S IT FOR THIS INSTALLMENT.