We all have questions for God. Here's my scoop on some of the answers...

While working in the yard during the recent heat wave, I looked up to heaven and asked God the supreme question: “Why did you make gnats?” He hasn’t responded yet, or I’d pass the answer on to you, but I worked up a few theories of my own as these insipid pests swarmed around me.

First, it gives a purpose to our eyelashes in case we begin to think they’re really there only for batting at members of the opposite sex. Actually, if you coat your lashes with enough mascara, they can become personal gnat-traps, but the Surgeon General hasn’t approved this yet.

Second, I think God has a sense of humor. In fact, being a guy, God is probably into slapstick humor as much as my husband, son, father, and every other male in the world.
While I was out there slapping my arms, legs, and face, I realized the only one getting slapped was me, and God was chuckling.

Gnats aren’t the only nuisances. Bees at least carry pollen and make honey. But what’s the deal with giving Mosquitoes a needle? What was God thinking? Give this little bug a hose straight up his nose… the prelude to a cocaine user? And sucking blood… The original vampire? I wonder if the buzz was an afterthought to at least warn us we’re about to get stuck, or does He also get tickled watching us swat into the black of night at that one irritating mosquito buzzing around the bedroom? Luckily some high school boy has figured out a vibration technique that will kill mosquito larvae. His little device operates at some high frequency unheard by humans. You drop it into water, and a good jitterbug later, the larvae burst. I guess future mosquitoes will need one of those hitchhiker signs, modified: Fly or Bust.

Ants, I have to admit, are one of the more admiral bugs, in my opinion. American industry could learn a lot from watching the combined efforts of these little powerhouses as they convene on a food particle and carry it away in unison. They remind me of my teenage son – an innate sense of where snacks are hidden, and an irrepressible appetite for immediate consumption. In hindsight, I should have spaced all my children four years apart so only one would be going through this food craze at a time.

I’m just glad God didn’t design Adam too soon after the centipede. Imagine the shoe bill! And kicking gnats away from 100 ankles… now that would be funny.