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My Sidewinder: D-Day of Evil 4/26/2010 6:09:27 PM
The thoughts and deeds of the impostor are real and not fictitious. He is a part of us that is sin and would do what ever it takes to make us a victim of the devil. We had just left work on a sunny afternoon and a close friend of mine offered to give me a ride home. We chatted comfortably as we left the office discussing the events at work as one normally does. At this time of my life I would say I was aware of the spiritual world but did not have enough self esteem to fully appreciate it. I easily became a victim of boastful declarations, sarcasm and many other esoteric characteristics. In my own way I was meeting a need in society and declaring myself as one of many who should be respected and admired.
My friend and I walked and talked about nothing in particular until we reached his car. On reaching the car we met another friend and the three of us continued chatting. The relics of his conversation centered on problems he was facing with his girl friend. I know that I wasn’t too interested in the banter at this time and fell behind the logic of his discussion. From what I could gather with little concentration she was objecting to them moving in together and he tried to convince us that he wasn’t bothered about her decision. This was Derek all over. When faced with a problem of this nature he belittled it and gave one the impression that it did not matter either way to him. Unfortunately I had no sympathy listening to his male pride fail to tell us whether or not he needed our advice. My other friend Andrew on the other hand was generally overlooked in many conversations. To him if Derek was confiding in him then he had risen in wisdom amongst his friends. I knew that they both talked and boasted on a falsehood as the theme of the conversation was pride. It was obvious that Derek wasn’t telling us the full story and Andrew was so taken by his own esteem to bother telling his friend the truth. At this point I nodded and commented about a thing or two without listening attentively to any of the conversation. I guess this was why what happened next caught me off guard.
My reward for lack of concentration and very little contribution to the conversation of my friends was to be relegated to the back seat of the car. As one seeking a lift I should have been pleased even to be in this position but the suddenness of the situation caught me by surprise. In a way I felt as though Derek had interrupted our conversation and without any consideration for my feelings had proceeded to take my place. I can tell you now that it was not the tone of my friend’s voice and the presumption he had made that I should sit in the back seat that drove me crazy. It was the fact that I could immediately sense events of my past come to haunt me then and there. I remembered a time in college when I was in my late teens and was subjected to total humiliation in a similar fashion. I had spent all evening with a very close friend preparing to go out to a club, excitedly planning like most teenagers how many girls I would pull that night. When our other friends turned up at the door with our mode of transportation I rushed out of the house like the rest of my friends believing that I was headed for a night out with the guys. Unfortunately the car was not big enough to carry all of us and so the driver of the car had immediately looked in my direction and informed me that I would have to forget about clubbing that night. After saying this in a mocking fashion the rest of the guys including my friend had climbed aboard and they had then driven off into the distance leaving me wondering why I wasted my time all evening. Seeing Andrew completely unaware of what was happening now jogged back the sad memories of old.
In the past I had swallowed this humiliation accepting that life was not as easy as it was made out to be. However unbeknown to me this had remained buried in my subconscious and hearing my friend now tell me to settle in the back seat brought back the fire to my heart. Like a picador prepared to take on a vicious bull in the ring I plotted my revenge immediately. Knowing the darkness that existed in the spiritual world I began to wish for the worst for my friend. I was so angry that I told myself no one would ever treat me like that again and get away with it. Hitting back in the civilized way was out of the question. I wanted both of my friends to suffer and to be shaken from within. I wanted them to feel fear for what I had felt many years ago and it occurred to me that this revenge would compensate me for the past and the present. In any event I told myself that I wanted the car to crash to teach my friend a lesson. I did not care about the consequences, even though I sat in the back seat of the car. Hate surrounded my every thought and in that moment I willed the car to crash with every power known to man. We drove for a while and I waited patiently listening to my friends chat all the time goading my evil wish to come true. It did. Suddenly we drove by an attractive girl who swaggered leisurely up the street in our direction causing a riot to most of the male drivers. My friends were immediately distracted and looked in her direction and in that instance just as Andrew’s eyes were off the road for a short while, the car swerved into a parked car. I felt the jolt as we hit the car and a wicked and evil smile crossed my face in jubilation.
‘Finally I had done it!’ I thought. ‘No one would ever humiliate me again and get away with it.’ I told myself.
We climbed out of the car and examined the damage. Andrew was terribly upset at what had happened and Derek did his best to console him. I looked at the damage and I can tell you now that in that moment there was satisfaction in my heart. I felt no remorse for my wishes knowing that finally someone had paid for the price of my humiliation. To me justice had been served at last!
The thoughts and deeds of the impostor are real and not fictitious. He is a part of us that is sin and would do what ever it takes to make us a victim of the devil.
I cannot regret what happened because I learned from it. I learned to distinguish between wrong and right in the spiritual world even though the outcome of my experience was negative. This is what we all have to face in our spiritual journeys. I do not believe that what happened came to pass by my will or wishes. I believe that the Lord allowed this accident to take place for me to learn from it many years later the difference between righteous thoughts and those of the devil. Sometimes to learn and accept certain aspects of the spiritual world we have to bear witness to the darkness that surrounds us. The extent to which I went in fulfilling the wishes of my heart taught me that anger is not the solution to my problem. It taught me that the alternative to my humiliation was not revenge as it could have even more dire consequences than what I could imagine.
